No Scene

An Open Letter to Archbishop Edward Gilbert :

2011-07-28T14:54:00.000-07:00

Your Grace,

First let me compliment you on the fine work that you have done during your time here as the leader of the Catholic Church in Trinidad and Tobago. I remember when you were first appointed, there was a lot of criticism directed at the fact that you were a white American, and many Catholics felt this represented a new kind of ‘colonization’. I hope you understand it wasn’t anything personal Sir. It’s just that, being Catholics we were simply protecting ourselves from being treated like children ,having a stern parental figure from another country and culture dictating our every move.

In any case, in the years since your appointment white ‘foreign consultants’ have become all the rage and we Catholics are proud that once again we can say, we are at the forefront of modern trends!

However Sir, I am writing to you concerning your interview in the Trinidad Express, on July 23^rd. 2011. In this interview you stated that “trouble is coming”. You went on to say

"I have a friend, another priest… and he always says I am glad I am 77 and not 27 because there is trouble coming, and I think he is right; I really think he is right," .

This really concerns me Sir. Unlike you and your "priest friend", I am not 77, I am now entering my 30’s, and I am deeply worried about what the future holds for me now. I wished you had been more specific about what kind of trouble it is, and where it would be coming from and what time it might get here. I thought about going to see Bagdeo, the man that lives down the street from me. He says he can read your future, if you pay him 20 dollars and bring him a play whe ticket and a Stag when you coming. But I deiced against it, after my brother Dennis reminded me that the idea of consulting fortune tellers and wanting to predict the future was very ‘un Christian’.

I did notice Sir, in your interview you made a subtle hint that this ‘trouble” may be coming from homosexuals

"One of the sayings you get now is, 'I have the right to live my life however I want', and, 'If this is the way God made me, then this is the way I have to live my life “. You said.

I knew it. I always knew that despite Trinidad’s high crime rate, widespread corruption, endemic poverty and incurable racial tension; that the one thing that would truly destroy us as a nation would be the homosexuals, and their incessant demand to ‘live their lives the way they want”. The principle that homosexuality is an abomination in the eyes of the lord is central to the foundation of Catholic faith. It is mentioned at least twice in the Old Testament! Why should the Catholic Church change its position simply because society feels homosexuals should be entitled to the same legal rights as the rest of us?

I admit that in the past, the Catholic Church has been late in seeing the light when it comes to certain views-like supporting equal rights for women, speaking out against slavery, acknowledging the holocaust, and accepting that the sun is the center of our solar system. However I am certain that the Church is correct in its stance, which you so eloquently articulate, that

"Both by the religious tradition and that by the law of nature, homosexual conditions are not normal".

According to religious tradition, laid down by the Catholic Church , God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve-and God certainly didn't tell Adam he had to colour coordinate his clothes and keep his skin hydrated! Plus In nature you see male and female animals 'mating' all the time, just look at the stray dogs around the Queens park Savannah for a few minutes. This is all the proof you need of God's divine plan.

Sure the American Psychiatric Association along with most of the worlds scientific and medical organisations all claim homosexuality is "natural and is found in nature' and is also not "a mental Illness ". But God says we are to obey religious tradition, not medical and scientific traditions.

I am so glad that one of your main achievements during your reign , has been to ensure many of your priests were able to go to Rome to acquire "doctoral certification". Thankfully we can look forward to having an educated, worldly and enlightened clergy, that maintains the teachings of the past.

I really believe that what society needs are more real men like you Sir. Real men who spend their entire lives suppressing their sexual instinct, reading our holy book written a thousand years ago by an unknown group of men, worshiping that dive entity in the sky, who once sent his son, who was conceived of virgin birth, to suffer for our sins, who was killed and who rose again and ascended into heaven with the angles, and who will be back any day now to judge the living and the dead. If only we had more men like you the natural order of the world would not be under threat by lunatics.

"As people age and look back on their life, in many cases, they have a lot of journeys to complete themselves because in certain parts of their life, they really lived without meaning, and it bothers them as they age," you said.

I hope i don't feel like that when I am 77 Sir, but i fear the worst. Recent advancements in modern medicine coupled with an improvement in the standard of living, means that my life expectancy is vastly better than any generation of my family members before me. It s very depressing. I will have to find a way to endure when "the trouble comes". Pray for me Sir. Pray for us all.

Yours truly

Darryn

P.S. I hope you and your "priest friend" enjoy your retirement in your special community in Florida, playing golf, and looking forward to heaven. All the best Sir.

http://www.trinidadexpress.com/news/Gilbert__Trouble_coming-126072003.html

The Divine Shops of Montrose Main Road

2011-07-20T14:30:00.000-07:00

I have never been exactly sure where Montrose begins and ends, but I am pretty sure that ‘Montrose Main Road’ stretches from Montrose gas station from its East end to the ‘Chaguanas Flyover’ at its West end. It takes about 10 minutes to drive from end to end. Growing up in Chaguanas, I always viewed Montrose main road as being the most unremarkable part of what was already an unremarkable town. There was never really anything to see or do along Montrose Main road. Things are changing now though.

A wave of economic growth has hit Montrose over the last few years.Fast food chains like KFC, Subway, Mario’s, Burger King, and Popeye’s all have an outlet each here. I hear Domino’s Pizza is opening soon. New grocery shops, hardware stores, bars, casinos, shopping plazas, and cafes have all sprung up. Business seems to be booming in Montrose, and one industry in particular seems to be cashing in.

On this tiny strip, there are no less than 5 'evangelical churches’. And that's just on the main road. There are more in the side streets. They have grand and dramatic names, like 'Miracle Area', or 'Deliverance Temple', creating a strange blend with the more mundane sounding stores around them. People, who walk by, don't appear to see that strangeness, or if they do, they don't seem to mind it. Yesterday, while going to get lunch, I took some pictures of the ‘small churches’ on Montrose main road.

(personally I don't have much faith in Usha's roti -)

back in the day this used to be a Don Jacob Purple Dragon Institute where

kids learned how to "deliver a kick ass" with Karate

I think this is a poor name-like your gonna be forced to feel guilty about

everything you ever did as soon as you step into the door-if i wanted that

I would go the catholic church down the road.

small church names always allude to the promise of getting something-

this one makes a subtle hint that it may help you out with money

Simplest market economics at work: Supply and Demand

There has never been a more profitable time to learn the bible

In an attempt at a unique brand positioning -this church calls itself

the 'Sheba life worship center'...."does your church offer Sheba "?

The popularity and growth of 'small churches' isn't confined to Montrose. There are many more along the old Southern main road heading up to Couva. In neighbouring Chase Village there are bigger and grander churches with famous pastors with TV shows.

Why are 'small churches' becoming so popular? What is driving this upsurge in evangelicalism? What exactly are they selling? What is it that people think they are buying?

Part of me thinks I should attend a service of one and see what the appeal is. But I am not sure if I have the stomach for that. In any case I think that the real answer lies not in the churches but in the neighborhoods of Chaguanas itself. And it’s there I think I'll go have a look and see-Then blog about it.

Where the streets have no name ..or soul

2011-07-08T14:01:00.000-07:00

Rich and successful people are a strange lot. They possess the ability to balance both the creativity and imagination needed to dream big dreams as well as the cold hard ruthless mechanics to turn said dreams into a reality. Eventually though this balancing act, takes a toll on the brain and they go super crazy.

Some, then turn their attention to helping solve the world’s problems, others give away large sums of their fortunes to charity, some buy British football teams to play with, and some turn into brooding vigilantes donning masks and capes and stalking city rooftops aiming to be “a symbol of hope in a decaying world”. It seems though while being hugely rich and successful, Derek Chin, the chairman of the Movie Towne complexes, is content in just being super crazy.

This Week Mr. Chin announced his plans to build a mini city called ‘Streets of the World’, on 80 acres of land at Invaders Bay.

“If you thought Movie Towne was great, this will be greater. We will take the culture of a country and make streets out of them,” an enthusiastic Mr. Chin said.

Further elaborating, just in case some didn’t understand the finer points of his sophisticated idea, Mr. Chin added “There would be a Street of Mumbai, a Street of Hong Kong, a Street of the Middle East, a Street of Africa, and so on. There would be a fashion street for women. There would be a mini-carnival street, which Carnival bandleader Brian McFarlane would be involved in. These streets would be thematic streets.”

Now before you start reaching for the dustbin to relieve your stomach from the mass of undigested food that is surely now making its way up your oesophagus, wait. There’s more.“There would be additional attractions, like horse and buggy. Maybe from the Queen’s Park Savannah through Woodbrook straight to the Streets of the World, tourists would travel on them,” says Mr. Chin.

Ok, go ahead I’ll give you a minute.

Not wanting his Frankenstein to be lonely, Mr. Chin has also proposed building it a bride.

“In 2011, what have we done with Carnival? We are still building a Grandstand in 2011. What is the legacy of Carnival? The answer to that is nothing. Let’s build a Carnival museum in wax”, said Mr. Chin.

Now being an Indian from Chaguanas I would admit to not being an expert on Carnival, however, I was always under the impression that the Steel Band, Calypso, and the art of Mas Making, were just some of things that make up the continuing legacy of Carnival. Plus, if tourists want to see waxy, shiny, immovable, soulless objects wearing costumes, surely they can just go look at the band ‘Tribe’ for free.

An argument can be made that Mr. Chin is going to generate lots of employment with his venture, and his ultimate goal, of making Trinidad and Tobago more ‘entertainment friendly’ is admirable and even necessary. And it would be a good argument.

However, Mr. Chin projects the cost of his idea to be well over 1 Billion dollars. His proposed site is on land which environmental groups think should be left as is and not tampered with.

There are many questions that need answers.

Is Mr. Chin going to get any special tax breaks, or government help with this project?

Who exactly owns the land at Invaders Bay?

What type of land is it and under what special conditions, if any, are mangrove given over for construction?

What are the environmental and social impacts of making a mini city?

Is it morally right for billions of dollars to be invested in such a small area when just 2O minutes away lie some of the poorest parts of the country?

Someone once told me that great civilizations are not defined by what they build, but rather by how they live. Most Trinidadians think the opposite, and sadly the only time questions like those above seem to get answers in a country like ours is during a movie.

see

http://www.guardian.co.tt/business-guardian/2011/07/07/movietowne-s-derek-chin-open-tt-world

My Relationship from Hell

2011-06-27T10:28:00.000-07:00

I had heard great things about him. My Aunt told me how he had helped her all during her pregnancy, and even gave her the money to build her swimming pool. My friend, Denise, told me that it was because of him that she got a scholarship. Even my own mother said she hoped that I could see why entering into a personal relationship with him was a good idea.

So I decided to give it a try. At first things were good. We used to hang out all the time and I felt he helped me answer some of the questions I had about life and the world. Looking back at it now though I think I clearly missed what should have been red flags. But I was young and inexperienced. Had I known what the signs were maybe I could have seen the long downward spiraling road we were both on from the very beginning.

The relationship may have ended in flames fueled by bitterness and a sense of wasted youth. But I learnt some valuable life lessons-including how to know when you’re in a relationship, with a complete asshole. Here are a few ways to tell.

He was completely self absorbed

God: And I was like “Let the water under the sky be
gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear."
And it was so. Then…

Darryn: Can we talk about something else, I heard this

story a million times.

God: Oh. I’m sorry, I guess the story of the beginning

of all creation bores you. Well what do you want

to talk about?

Darryn: What you think about that idea to build an

airport in Chaguanas?

God: It’s dumb. You know Noah wanted wings on

the ark? It’s true. Shit, he was dumb. I had to

design the entire thing myself.

Darryn: Why do you always do this?

God: Do what?

Darryn: Twist everything to be about you all the time!

It’s like you have to be at the center of

attention all the time! Like It’s not good

enough that you have power over the universe

and all creation, no!-Every conversation has to

center around you as well!

Everyone has to worship you all the time!

God: I can’t help it…I am the Alpha and the Omega.

He was insanely jealous and possessive

God: So, you and Buddha texting each other now?

Darryn: What? Hey you went through my phone!?

God: You really thought I wouldn’t find out!

I am only fucking omniscient!

But yes I went through your phone.

Darryn: Look we were just talking about the

concept of reincarnation.

Please don’t start acting crazy.

God: Thou shall not worship any God but me!

Darryn: It was just a stupid conversation!

Why are you so insecure?

God:       I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God,
punishing children  for the iniquity of
parents to the third and the fourth
generation  of those who reject me!

Darryn: You know man this is a sign that
you have really low self-esteem!

He was always asking for money

God: Hey dude, can you pay me a tithe of 100 dollars?

Darryn: What? What does pay a tithe mean?

God: It means I want 100 dollars.

Darryn: Why didn’t you just say that?

God: Because it not about me. It’s about you.

Darryn: What?

God : You see Darryn, I gave you 100% of
everything you have. You can keep 90%,
but 10% belongs to me. It’s only right
that you give me the 10% you owe me,
so you can continue enjoying what I let you
keep.It’s called paying your tithes. If you
watched Gayelle on a Sunday morning you would
know about it.

Darryn: I don’t watch Gayelle. I watch the Sopranos
on A&E though and that sounds
just like extortion

God: Pay me my money man!

He had double standards

God: Dude, you see this? Fags want to marry.

What this world coming to?

Darryn: I thought you loved everybody unconditionally?

God: I do love everyone. I don’t hate gays.

I just think who they are is an abomination
to me.

Darryn: How can you say that your love is all mighty
and unconditional and then impose conditions
on it?

God: Look, I laid out clear rules about sex -
it’s all there in my book in Leviticus –
there is also that Soca song I released.
“I need a woman in my life”.

Darryn: But you gave people free will.

God: I gave people free will under the expressed
condition that they do everything I say
or go to hell!

Darryn: I think you’re a hypocrite!

God: I think you’re a buller!

I got the feeling he was always lying

Darryn: So, you’re saying that the world is
only six thousand years old ?

God: Yep. I intelligently designed it over
seven days.

Darryn: How?

God: Well mostly on my Mac using Adobe
Photoshop and Illustrator 10,

then I saved it in a PDF format

Darryn: The universe is a giant PDF document?

God: More or less.

Darryn: Most scientists say that the Earth is
billions of years old and that life
gradually evolved through the
process of natural selection.

God: Well that’s because most scientists
are evil homosexual communists,
who worship the devil and
don’t pay me any tithes!

He tried to make me think I couldn't live without him

Darryn: Hey we need to talk.

God: About what?. Oh look, I’ll pay you back the
100 dollars man.

Darryn: No it’s not about that. It’s about us.
This just not working out.

God: What the fuck! How you mean?

What you don’t believe in me anymore?

Darryn: Well. No. I don’t, and the thing is,

even if i thought you were real,

it would mean that I am doomed

to be lorded over by an asshole,

a petty, mean spirited, vindictive

asshole

God: Its Buddha isn’t it? You fucking Buddha!

Darryn: No, this isn’t about anybody else!

God: Is it Shiva, Muhammad, or maybe
Tom Cruise and the Church of Scientology?
Who you leaving me for, you son of a bitch!

Darryn: Look I not leaving you for anybody else.

You’re a narcissistic egomaniac,
douche bag I don’t need you.

I find truth and beauty in other things,
you’re not real. Fuck off!

God: Fine, go to hell! I want to see how far you
will reach without me!

Don’t be calling my name when you in
shit man!Or when you want West Indies to
win,because I’ll never let them win another
game again! And I going to tell everyone
that you and Buddha fucking!

It’s been a while since God and I parted ways.

Sometimes I find myself thinking about him,

usually when I am watching cricket and West Indies

are batting , but apart from that, I don't miss him

at all.

Murray Street and Prostitutes – Your Questions Answered

2011-02-28T14:28:00.000-08:00

Ever since I started writing for Outlish, I have been getting tons of fan e-mails from readers across the world. Most of my fan mail comes from Nigeria, where not only have I developed an especially big following, where I also keep winning the lottery without even entering. Now that’s star power! The bulk of my other fan mail is mostly from people in Trinidad wishing to know “exactly where I work on Murray Street” and “what time can they come see me”
.
It seems that some people have misinterpreted my Outlish ‘bio’, which says that I “work on Murray Street” to mean that I am somehow involved in prostitution. At first I was very angry, and I started writing a very angry e-mail to all those people saying, “Hey I don’t know anything about prostitution. I am not some prostitute working on Murray Street. I am a writer working at an advertising agency on Murray Street. I write ads for a living”. Then I stopped and realized that perhaps I shouldn’t blame people for making that assumption.
I figured… if I can help my new Nigerian readers pay to have their millions of dollars safely transported out of the country so they can buy food for starving children, then perhaps I can also help answer some questions my Trinidadian readers have about Murray Street.
So here goes.

E-mail #1: The 18-year-old
Hey Darryn,
I turning 18 this week man (on the 18th). Me and some partners looking to make a turn by a place that have girls nah. You know what I mean! Some Veneze! LOL. But I was thinking if you know a good place except for just Murray St? Recommend a good place Nah. We can’t go on Murray St.
Steven

Dear Steven
Happy Birthday! Your 18th birthday is indeed a time to celebrate. It signals the point when a boy becomes a man, with his own independence and freedom to chart his own destiny. What better way to celebrate it, than in the company of those forced into a hopeless life of sexual slavery and servitude.
First of all you should be aware that there are no brothels in T&T – even though there are lots of brothels in T&T. Confused? You see brothels are in that strange Trinidadian zone of things that exist, yet don’t exist. Also in this zone are homosexuals, AIDS patients, atheists, and people who think Soca is sh*t music.
Secondly, I am not sure what criteria to use to judge a “good brothel”. Are you looking for a place that has adequate seating at the bar, or maybe a big restroom and bedrooms, with no windows and as little light as possible? Or is it more from a feng shui perspective, where you are looking for a place that doesn’t generate vibrations of guilt and shame and remorse?
Darryn.

E-mail #2: Why do prostitutes look sad?
Dear Darryn,
Why do the prostitutes on Murray St. always look so vex or depressed all the time? On TV you see prostitutes on the street in places like New York and they are always laughing and smiling. I wish the girls on Murray St were like that.
Rodel

Dear Rodel
Well try putting yourself in their shoes and think about what may be depressing them. Try this.
I am a sad looking prostitute because:
a) The coffee machine in the kitchen is not working again and I need my coffee!
b) Somebody “borrowed “my stapler and didn’t return it!
c) I.T. hasn’t fixed the printer as yet and I have lots of work to finish.
d) I am sexual slave forced into a life of abuse and danger and made to stand on Murray St. and have sex with the likes of you for the profit of others!
Which one do you think it is Rodel?
For further reference: Things that are not like how they look on TV:

Jumping through glass windows.
Picking a lock with a credit card.
Firing a machine gun with one hand.
Picking up a prostitute on the street who turns out to be Julia Roberts.

Darryn

E-mail #3: Legalising prostitution
Hey Boods,
I am putting together a proposal on behalf of the Coalition for Progress outlining the case for prostitution in Woodbrook, and elsewhere to be legalized. I would really like it if you could help out with this? Can you do an outline as to why you think prostitution should be legal? Thanxx so much.
Brianna

Dear Brianna,
No Probs. Here are the main reasons I feel prostitution should BE legal:

Prostitutes would be able to increase their prices and earn more money (No pimps owning them).
Prostitutes will have more control in deciding who to have sex with.
Prostitutes would be able to safely report crimes against them.

Darryn

E-mail #4: Protesting prostitution
Dear Resident,
A nefarious group of individuals with an ungodly agenda are attempting to promote open sex in the streets of Woodbrook. If you are opposed to this blatant attempt to undermine the fabric of our community please make your voice be heard and come out at (name and location removed) and help stop them. God Bless you.
Mark Whitey
Jesus – “I am the way”

Dear Mr Whitey,
I am in full support of your campaign. I do NOT think prostitution in Woodbrook should be legalized because:

Prostitutes would be able to increase their prices and earn more money (No pimps owning them).
Prostitutes will have more control in deciding who to have sex with.
Prostitutes would be able to safely report crimes against them.

Darryn Boodan
Jesus –“I love you long time Mary Magdalene”

E-mail #5: Painting the prostitutes
Dear Darryn,
I am ‘Richard’ – Master artist. I am working on a series of paintings exploring the narratives of the prostitutes on Murray St. My aim is to capture the story of these women from a post feminist, post modernist, post colonial, post independence viewpoint and within a pre-cambium, futuristic, neo classical subtext.
Would you be willing to collaborate on this project? Perhaps you are familiar with my ‘Chinese Worker’ exhibition at Alice Yard?
Richard – Master Artist
I am the light. I believe in the light. I am one with the light.

Dear Richard – Master artist
It is truly an honour to receive your email! I am indeed familiar with your “Chinese Worker” exhibition held at Alice Yard last year. I have to say I was deeply moved and impressed by the way you expressed the anxieties, hopes, dreams , and struggles of the Chinese immigrants in Trinidad by your canvas depicting “a Chinese worker” – just standing there. It was just amazing. Not to mention the tee shirts for sale with the ‘Chinese worker’ image. Brilliant!
I am sure that you will treat the women on Murray St. who must surely have complex and tragic personal stories with just as much creative flair.
I believe our society overlooks people like these women. They are caught up in a web of personal tragedy, and organized crime. ‘Exploitation’ seems to be the only word that defines their existence.
It’s nice to know there are people like you who are willing to help them tell their story. I would love to be part of your project. I can see the poster now-“Prostitutes @ Alice Yard.”- It could be like, images of prostitutes and we could sell tee shirts with pics of the prostitutes on it! Cool!
Darryn
I am not pretentious. I am not pretentious. I am not pretentious.

E-mail #6: Sex slaves and Emancipation
Dear Darryn,
Ok I just got off the phone with (name removed). What the f*ck is wrong with you?!! How could you send an Emancipation Day Greetings press ad to the client, with pictures of prostitutes on Murray St in it and write sh*t about how there is still slavery in Trinidad and how there are more people living as sex slaves than there were African slave labour!!!!!!
Do you know what will happen if we loose this client?!!! It will be your ass your ketch I am telling you now-I am fed up cleaning up your sh*t!!
I have attached the changes the client wants. You WILL make these changes and do this ad EXACTLY as the client wants it and have it done by 9 a.m. tomorrow morning!
If not Darryn, so help me you will be working on the road with the hoes and them!! You hear me!!
Quincy
Creative Director
(Name of Company removed)

Dear Q
Changes made. Please see attached.
Darryn

Well that should clear up any questions that I can answer about Murray Street. Keep those e-mails coming.

originally published in Outlish Magazine 2011

The Chosen Many: Believe it or not you are in a cult

2011-02-07T13:17:00.000-08:00

Living in a commune, worshiping the chosen one, kinky group sex, drugs, suicide… Sure cults sound like fun. But in truth they are destructive groups that can cause a lot of psychological harm to its members. Don’t think a sensible, rationale person like you could get mixed up in a cult?

Well… if you were in a cult, would you know? I recently found out that I am not just in one, but several cults. The signs were too obvious, kind of like the rules all cults obey. Read on for a refresher. Please note that if you need to read this to know if you are in a cult, you’re probably in one already. Check the signs. Cults have:

A charismatic leader who is not to be questioned.

Darryn’s GF: How could you do this to us? How could you disrespect our relationship like this?

Darryn: Babe, come on really, you don’t find you overreacting… it’s just a PC…

Darryn’s GF: You said you were getting a Mac! Didn’t I show you the interview with Steve Jobs? Didn’t you understand how great the new Mac’s are? They are going to change the world. They are going to lead a revolution! Don’t you want to help lead a revolution?

Darryn: No, I just want to surf the net and go on Facebook.

Darryn’s GF: Oh my God! Steve Jobs says…

Darryn: You realize you treat Steve Jobs like he’s God or something?

Darryn’s GF: Steve Jobs is a visionary, a prophet! Do you realize how innovative the Macintosh was? This man is brilliant!

Darryn: Didn’t he himself admit he stole the ideas for the Macintosh from Xerox back in the 80s?

Darryn’s GF: Shut your mouth! Shut your mouth now!

A goal expressed in an easy to understand mantra.

Scene #1

Robert: Great is the PNM! It shall prevail!

Darryn: Ok Robert, but you all lost the election real bad. You don’t think the PNM needs a concrete philosophy now? Something that will appeal to a new generation of people?

Robert: Great is the PNM it shall prevail!

Scene #2

Darryn: You don’t think Kamla appointing Reshmi as head of the SIA seems really corrupt and stupid mom?

Darryn’s mom: I’m sure Kamla knows what she doing Darryn. We will rise!

Darryn: You can’t just repeat her campaign slogan when she screws up Mom.

Darryn’s mom: You want to eat food in this house! Say, “We will rise!”

Scene #3

Darryn: Sheldon, I real disillusioned with UNC and PNM dred. Sheldon: Hoss you need to get with it and support the COP dred.Darryn: Why?

Sheldon: Because the COP – Working for You!

Darryn: Well… that sounds... boring.

Members display blind allegiance.

Darryn: Dred what we doing out here?

Sheldon: We waiting to get inside. Stop complaining.

Darryn: Dred we spend the last hour in line dred. Screw 51. Let’s just go somewhere else. What so f*cking great about 51 anyway?

Sheldon: Dred stop taking crazy! This is 51 hoss! This is 51! Stop being negative for once nah and just have some patience. This is 51 hoss!

Darryn: I don’t see why I have to beg people to let me in their place so I can then buy their overpriced drinks!

Sheldon: Dred you sounding like a mad man! Just relax and think about how great it’s going to be once we get in. This is 51 hoss! This is 51!

Members are always actively recruiting.

Chantal: Hey Boodan you playing mas with us this year? I can get you a costume in Tribe!

Darryn: Nah. I doh really play mas. I not all that into Carnival.

Chantal: What! You serious? You doh play mas! But I can get you a costume from Tribe. You know much people would kill for that?

Darryn: You mean people dying to be grossly overcharged for a costume designed by someone who just learnt Photoshop, and wanting to spend the day in it getting drunk, walking around POS stopping to pose for pics to put up on Facebook to show how much fun they having, all the while listening to repetitive music crafted with as much thought and imagination as a maxi conductor tout saying, “South, Couva , California”?

Chantal: How you know you wouldn’t like it? You have to try something first to know if you like it or not.

Darryn: Well I never tried having cancer. I’m sure I’d hate it though.

Chantal: This is why nobody sits in the lunchroom with you Boodan.

Members must surrender their life’s possessions if they expect to reap rewards.

Lady at the bank: Ok Mr Boodan, once you give us the 10% down payment, guarantee of employment for the next 50 years, stamp duty fees, and lawyer fees, we are good to go and you can get your home in no time.

Darryn: Well the thing is right, if I put together all my savings and collateral, and maybe borrow some money, I can maybe make that up, but I won’t have anything at all left.

Lady at the bank: Right... and?

Darryn: Well it’s just that if I survive buying a home, I am fearful of being enslaved with payments I could barely afford for the rest of my life. I feel my life would just belong to the bank.

Lady at the bank: Don’t you want your own home Mr Boodan? Don’t you want to be a real man and own your own home? We can give you that Mr Boodan. We can help you. You just need to help us first.

Members must limit interactions with other groups.

Karel: So how you doing Darryn. How things?

Darryn: Cool Karel. Things cool. What you wanted to talk to me about?

Karel: Well Darryn. I see you wrote a piece for 411.

Darryn: Yeah. So?

Karel: Well. It’s just that I thought you were committed to Outlish.

Darryn: Well I am. I don’t see how me writing stuff for other people affects Outlish.

Karel: Well it’s just I thought you were one of us. I thought you shared our values. I really want my writers to be committed completely to the cause Darryn.

Darryn: Ah… what… cause... Karel?

Karel: What cause? You See Darryn? You see how you have allowed outside influences to blind you to what is happening here at Outlish? Have you lost your faith Darryn?

Darryn: Ah… Karel I have to go. I don’t feel comfortable.

Karel: Why did you lie to me and say that you missed your deadline last week because you were sick? I knew you and your friend Sheldon from 411 went 51! I have it right here on tape!

Darryn: Dred! You spying on me!

Karel: Get comfortable Darryn. You not leaving here till I get my article.

So the real question is, are you trapped in a cult? Do you need help escaping? I can help you. I can make it better. I can give you the answers you are searching for.

Q & A with filmmaker Dalton Narine

2011-01-07T11:59:00.000-08:00

Dalton Narine

He has written for The Village Voice, been the Features editor at Ebony, as well as The Miami Herald. He is a decorated Vietnam veteran and has won awards for his writing on post-traumatic stress disorder.

Somewhere in between all of this, Dalton Narine has also managed to make an astounding 14 films, all set in Trinidad and Tobago, making him one of the most high-profile filmmakers in the Caribbean. His latest feature ‘Mas Man Peter Minshall’, which chronicles the life and work of Peter Minshall, won Best Documentary at the New York International Film Festival in 2010.

Here is a conversation I recently had with Dalton, in which he talks about what it was like working with Peter Minshall, and why the word ‘documentary’ can be tricky when you are looking for funding.

Check out a preview of 'Mas Man' below and look out for the movie now on Flow on Demand

You spent five years working on ‘Mas Man’. What was your motivation for such a huge project?

The motivation for producing and directing ‘Mas Man Peter Minshall’ lies in my passion for documenting culture, and the leading icon of the arts in Trinidad and Tobago has been Peter Minshall. Given our rich pool of talent, such declaration might seem thoughtless and provocative to people with a different mindset. Yet, art is privy to subjective interpretation and one cannot look at oneself in Minshall’s mirror without flinching or being awed – Sir Vidia Naipaul’s volume of work notwithstanding.

You probably know Peter Minshall better than most of us now. What was it like interacting with him on this? What is his reaction to the film?

No, I still don’t know Minshall well. His work, yes. I’ve been following his stylish themes since ‘Paradise Lost’ in 1976, and interacting with him can be measured to my interacting with the mas. There’s always a push and pull with Minsh; a tug-of-war of minds, though very few can match his wit. It’s his rope. Always. But it wasn’t a big deal to push back and forth during the interview sessions. It just happened in passing.

However, in the initial meeting when we discussed the production, his first question was, “So, how do you plan to do the film?” My immediate response was, “Without a narration.” “Good,” he said. And that little exchange provided the grease, and the grist, too, for the laborious five-year project. Minsh is every bit as proficient loquaciously as he is creatively. The camera, or the microphone, could be a fetish, you know.

About his reaction to the film, you’ll need to ask him yourself. A patron at a film festival in Wales asked during a Q&A, why we made the film while Minshall was still alive. I saw his point right away. Because nobody would relish a portrait of himself or herself, if it was manufactured by others. It’s not like looking in a mirror. Then again, it’s very much like looking in a mirror. For two decades, Minshall shoved his looking glass in our faces and said, “Look, that’s you. Like it or not.” Well, what’s wrong with responding in kind? Minsh has been the conscience of our age, and that’s how we depicted him. We really didn’t raise the temperature.

I liked the rawness of the look of ‘Mas Man’. Was this intentional? What was your vision for the film?

You probably watched the festival or extended cut, the 87-minute version, which was the first cut. It won at the 2009 Trinidad and Tobago Film Festival as a work in progress. Besides, when you spend so much time on a project, it can alter your mood, how you think, how the work behaves. Nine months later, after we began retailing the extended cut, we completed the final cut (57 minutes) just in time for the New York International Film Festival screening. Audience reaction was superlative. Even the festival director who was in the audience approved, for we had submitted a work in progress six months earlier. This was a telling moment in the film’s history. I was in the UK while the editor was finishing up, and I told him to FedEx the final cut to a friend in New York, who met me at the airport – without the package. He hadn’t received it. We got it with two hours to spare and headed for the festival by subway. But an announcement came up that trouble lay ahead on the tracks. We taxied to the cinema, arriving two minutes before the screening. And I rushed in with the Blu-Ray copy, begging the projectionist to screen the final, not the one he had in hand. He said, “I haven’t seen this; it’d be like flying blind.” We are both in the same boat, I said. And I sat in the back of a crowded theatre acting as if I were from Croatia and I’d walked into a New York cinema not knowing what to expect. That was my vision for the film. At last! The editor was the one who turned it into reality. The director can instruct all he wants, but it’s the editor who interprets the page. The film won three festivals thereafter.

There is a perception that our society fails to properly document and archive the lives of individuals such as Minshall. Do you agree? If so, why do you think that is?

Another story as illustration. A few years ago, I asked then-Speaker Pennelope Beckles why it was so difficult to raise funds to finance the project. Was I blighted? Was Minshall? “No”, she said. “Change the word documentary to film, as in ‘A Film by Dalton Narine.’” Documentary was too heavy for viewers. Then, she added, “Nobody has ever undertaken a project about Dr. Eric Williams, Hasely Crawford, Uriah “Buzz” Butler, Capt. Arthur Andrew Cipriani, and so on. Maybe they’d have found themselves in your shoes. You’re now the vanguard. Once you complete the film, with whatever funds (bank loans and pension funds mostly, along with a contribution by Trinidad and Tobago Film Company), others will follow your path.”

You said you had enough material left over to write a novel. If you did, what would be its theme?

The fascinating mind of a misunderstood artist.

You have produced over 14 films. What do you think of the TTFF and what do you think will help spur more people to turn to filmmaking in Trinidad?

‘Mas Man Peter Minshall’ is my 14th. And the TTFC question has answered itself. I’ll consider any request the TTFC asks of me. Whatever it takes. I see the company as a light probing the crevices of the budding filmmaker’s mind, reminding, “You, too, have a story to tell. We’ll help as far as we can go.”

You described yourself as a “writer who sees the big picture”. What’s your process like in filmmaking, as opposed to writing?

It’s almost the same road. There’s a fork, though, that takes filmmaking through a technical world. Whereas, strong verbs create powerful images, the mind has a mischievous camera of its own, though you must coax it properly through variations of angles and light and sound. That’s the simplest answer I know. One more thing, it is necessary to imbue both media with rhythm and pacing, particularly in dialogue.

What are your thoughts on the progression of Carnival? There are many who criticise the high price of costumes and perceived lack of ‘creativity’ – that it’s become very middle class. Do you think these are fair comments to make?

Relevant, for sure. Middle class is the wrong crowd, though. How about lower class? Funny you would ask about that. I’m about to wrap up a piece about the topic. Here’s a preview:

De ole time days was mas in yuh brass: Frame upon frame of colour-plated pageantry, tinged with Van Goghian hues that captured images of hordes of revellers magically transforming National Geographic and the Encyclopedia Britannica into a mobile theatre of the Drag and the stage.

Here, the dance of the Cree of Canada; there, the mystery of the Relics of Egypt; Somewhere in New Guinea beckons; Saga of Merrie England titillates. To Hell and Back and Back to Africa; Primitive Man and Extracts of the Animal Kingdom; Imperial Rome; The Glory that was Greece; and a plethora of sailor bands putting on a show, their risqué and comedic acts mimed to the rawness of steel band music, the only nativity in the multiculture, blessed and cursed alike, just like the mas. And fancy sailors, too, Fascinators and Syncopators strutting, and peacocking headgear, such as clocks and cameras and elephants and crabs from the Mang, leaving Cito Valasquez up front to bogart attention with his Gulliverous Fruits and Flowers.

Not to forget the traditional mas like the dragon blowing his whistle, a polished wooden snake, marble for eyes, wrapped around – as if copulating – a piece of bois rubbed down with coconut oil, this once-upon-a-time stick fighter turned ballet dancer operating Behind the Bridge; or the venerable Bookman dissuading his teenage counterpart from crossing the canal on George Street without the necessary preparation (or else what?) and the caped-tongue man with the oversized wide-brim frill hat fobbing children off with scary stories, parents shooing him away with money for the coffin, er, his sow’s ear purse.

The mas was all over the place because it felt free to play yourself, not free up, or wine down like rats in the sewer. Ha! God knows the rodents wouldn’t have tolerated such slackness. Indeed, thousands of them, unnerved by the mere notion, haul they tail and scurried across to French Street to sign up with Rat Race, Minshall’s purview of the land and its lubbers.

If you could change one thing about Trinidad Carnival, what would it be?

Bring back the sass and sassiness in Monday mas by throwing the day to the steel band. Pan all day, all night. At least, that would happen. But you can’t force the winers and “beachgoers” to change their ways and means.

What are your thoughts on the proposed National Carnival Centre? –

Can’t comment until I peruse the architect’s plans, whenever those are made available to the public.

You’re an artist yourself. What are some of the challenges you have faced working on your projects in Trinidad?

The seven deadly sins. Full stop.

‘Mas Man Peter Minshall’ was nominated for Best Documentary at nine festivals on four continents, and won five awards:   Best Documentary, Trinidad and Tobago International Film Festival [Submitted as a work in progress];  Honourable Mention, Greater Columbus International Film Festival (at 58, second oldest film festival in the USA) [Submitted as a work in progress];  Best Documentary, New York International Film Festival;  Best Documentary, South Africa International Film Festival;  Best Cinematography, Chagrin Falls International Documentary Festival.

A Conversation with Noble Douglas

2011-01-07T11:03:00.000-08:00

This is a video that was made after the Noble Douglas Dance Company celebrated their 25th anniversary-'DAM 25'. In it Dave Williams , a member of the company conducts a short interview with Noble Douglas.
The young girls seen at the start of the video are not dance company members but are in fact members of the Lilliput Dance Company.
The photos in the film were all taken by Rodell Warner who had exclusive access during the night of the performance. Some of the dances depicted were made by other choreographers as well as Noble Douglas.

Religion and Relationships: Golden Balls and Sexual Fantasies

2010-12-17T09:23:00.000-08:00

I remember the moment it happened. We were drinking rum in a bar in Chaguanas. She talked about studying in Japan, her two dogs, how to choose a good tennis racket, and how the Soca mafia operates. I was trying to sound smart, telling her about my love for “The Killers”, and why “Spider-Man 2” was a work of art.
It was going great. She was laughing, I was laughing, and then she dropped it on me.
“So what religion are you?” she said, softening her tone of voice.

I stopped and tried to think about exactly what I was going to say as not to jeopardize her liking me. Should I tell her the truth? That I don’t believe in God, that I have no religion, or maybe use the old “well I’m not really religious, but I’m spiritual” line? Nah, I thought. That’s for fence-sitting pussies.
I figured to hell with it. Why shouldn’t I say what I truly believe? I am an atheist. Nothing is wrong with that. My beliefs are based on rational thinking and a desire to discover the truth. Just because I don’t believe in a supreme being, doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. I too, have a philosophy about life and the universe. My belief that there is no God in heaven looking down on me only leaves me in awe of how magnificent, random, spontaneous and beautiful our lives are. Plus, I can back up my beliefs with sound, scientific facts. Yes, I thought. Take a stand for atheists everywhere, have faith in your convictions. Tell her you’re a proud atheist dammit!
“Well actually I’m not really religious, but I’m spiritual,” I said. And that was the moment I realized that when it comes to religion and women I am a fence-sitting pussy. I usually have no problem telling people what I think, as evidenced by my lack of friends on Facebook, but when it comes to religion and women, I lose my conviction faster than Judas saying yes to 30 pieces of silver. I wasn’t always this way. I think the problem started with my high school girlfriend Tina*.

Tina was a kind, caring, soft-spoken person, who wanted to be a biochemist, which meant she had a love and a passion for science. However, Tina also had a love and a passion for Sai Baba, which meant she was also crazy. Sai Baba is a popular Indian guru. He has millions of followers all over the world who claim he is a messiah. Tina would constantly try to point out to me that Sai Baba was special, citing his ability to “manifest a golden ball” from his mouth, as evidence of a miracle.
“What’s the point of a gold ball? Why doesn’t he just manifest a cure for cancer or AIDS that would be much more beneficial to mankind?” I asked her once.
“Don’t be stupid Darryn,” she said angrily. “Stop insulting my religion. Just because you don’t believe doesn’t mean you can criticize it.”
“What does he do all day?” I replied. “He just seems to sit, and manifest random objects from his mouth. What kind of a lame messiah is that?”
“Can you please have respect for my religion Darryn?”
“I respect you Tina. I just think you’re in a cult. Sai Baba is crazy and he has really brainwashed you and your family into believing that he is a messiah,” I said, hoping she would see my logic. But she didn’t. She even broke up with me, after which I found out she was seeing my cousin behind my back. I suppose there is nothing in Sai Baba-ism against being a slut. In hindsight, I realized maybe I wasn’t really sensitive or open minded about the Sai Baba thing, which is why I gave the whole ‘religious understanding approach’ a better attempt with Nadia*.

Nadia was Muslim. She even wore a hijab, and, ironically, that was part of my attraction to her. She looked exotic and mysterious, and I hoped I could convince her to have sex with me with her hijab on. She said she didn’t have a problem with my lack of religious conviction, but at the same time gave me a copy of the Koran as a Christmas present.
Intent on trying my best to see her point of view, I tried to read it. Every night I would pick it up and read a bit and leave it next to my other books on the floor near my bed. It was around this time that I discovered the writing of Eugene O’ Neil. He wrote amazing plays about death, failed dreams, unrequited love and drug addiction. It was fascinating and not in a stupid ‘emo’ way. Reading O’Neil opened me up to a new world of writing, and the Koran got lost under my comics on the floor of my bedroom.
One day while Nadia was over, and I was trying my best to live out my ‘hijab fantasy’, she saw the Koran on the floor – in pristine, unread condition – next to the stack of “Uncanny X-Men”, and proceeded to get stark raving angry.
“How could you leave it on the floor?” she shouted.
“I put all the books I’m reading on the floor.”
“The Koran is holy; you don’t put it on the floor!” she said.
“Don’t you pray kneeling on the floor?”
“Yes, but that’s different… that’s praying, not reading.”
“Listen babe. My Eugene O’Neil books are on the floor.”
“Who the hell is Eugene O’Neil?”
“He wrote the greatest thing I ever read; you have to read it!”
“The Koran is the greatest thing ever written Darryn!”
“No this play is better. It’s about this family, and two sons who love prostitutes and are alcoholics, their mother is a drug addict and their father is…”
“That’s supposed to be better than the Koran?”
Nadia and I didn’t last long after that, the final straw breaking when I told her there was no way I was giving up geera pork, and when she told me that there was no way she was having sex with me with her hijab on.
I had made up my mind that I if I ever had hope of maintaining a relationship I was just going to nod my head and keep my religious opinions to myself…. Like the way men do when women ask, “Do I look fat to you?” And that’s what I did… until I met Joyce*.

I met Joyce while I was at university. She was from Dublin and Irish Catholic, as she put it. Joyce was White, and, except for our shared love for drinking, from an entirely different culture. So I felt that if I told her about my Catholic upbringing, maybe it would help establish something we could both have in common.
“So you were really raised Catholic?” she asked. She looked bemused.
“Yes, my mother’s side is Hindu, but she converted when she met my dad and I was raised Catholic,” I said.
“So what made you stop believing?”
“Nothing. I just stopped?”
“Oh… you weren’t really serious?”
“No I was serious. I was even an acolyte until I was 15.”
“Oh,” she said, in an odd way.
“What do you mean ‘oh’?” I asked.
“Darryn, can I ask you something personal?”
“Sure.”
“Were you molested while you were an altar boy? Is that why you quit believing in God?”
“Of course not!”
“You can tell me you know… nothing will change with us.”
“I was not molested! I actually liked my priest; he was a good, decent man!”
“I knew a boy on my street, who was an altar boy who was molested by our priest. It’s so wrong. It’s so sad. Look at me… nothing will change with us. I promise.”
“I was not molested. I just find it’s not for me. I find beauty and truth in other things; plus the idea of having to believe things that I am not allowed to question seems wrong to me. I love to question everything!”
“You have a right to be angry Darryn. Let it out. Let it all love… I’m here. You are not to blame you hear me. You are not to blame.”
“Joyce I was not molested!”
Joyce and I never had a religious discussion again after that, and she even stopped going to church because of “what they did to me”. When we broke up, she was still fuming about the way the Catholic Church doesn’t deal with child molestation, giving me a conciliatory hug. Which brings me back to that moment in that bar in Chaguanas, with me being a fence-sitting pussy.

“What is ‘spiritual, but not religious’ supposed to mean?” my new interest asked, still in her soft tone.
“It means I don’t have a religion. I don’t really believe in God,” I said, in a deflated way.
“Oh ok.”
“What do you believe?” I asked.
“I believe people should stand up for what they believe in, but also be prepared to defend it, and take on criticism. Criticism can make things better. You should never follow anything blindly.”
“I believe the same thing. You wouldn’t believe the problems I have had with women about me being an atheist.”
“People should be open to other ideas, especially if they are rational ideas. Relationships are a two-way street.”
“Yes! I fully agree. You wouldn’t believe the problems I have had with women who never wanted to understand the reasons why I am an atheist. I think it’s the main reason behind the ruin of most of my past relationships.”
“Really Darryn? That’s the only reason? Have you ever thought that you might also just be an asshole?”
“Eh? No... Not really.”
“You should really question everything Darryn. Be open to new ideas. Don’t just think you have it all figured out.”

.

An Open Letter to Mayor Louis Lee Sing:

2010-12-07T12:48:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Lee Sing,
I am writing you this letter to commend you on your efforts to, as you put it, "rid Port of Spain of the problem of vagrancy". Finally, someone has a solution to the vagrant problem.

I see that you intend to forcibly remove vagrants from the streets of the city, and send them to the New Horizons Centre in Piparo, and the St Ann's Hospital, our most renowned mental care institution. This is a brilliant idea Mr. Lee Sing; you can tell that there is a lot of mental illness amongst vagrants. Just look at the way they think they can urinate anywhere they please, cuss each other in public, walk up to people and make crazy outlandish claims like, "you is a drug dealer ent... ent you is a drug dealer?" or "you tap my phone ent, why you tap my phone for man", and basically exhibit a complete disregard for their fellow man and the law.
The worst ones though are those who sit on the benches at Woodford Square and claim to be talking to God. Please Mr. Lee Sing, when these poor people go to St Ann's, make them watch one of Pastor Cuffie's Sunday morning shows, so that they can see how normal people act when they speak with God.
I am also pleased that you have identified the criminal threat that vagrants also pose. Only last month, my neighbor Roxanne* was held up at gun point outside her home by two men and was carjacked. The police have not been able to track down any of the men, and have no clues as to who they were. It's as if these men were nameless, faceless phantoms, who can disappear into a crowded place like Chaguanas. Clearly, they were vagrants. I have also been a victim of vagrant crime; only last week I realized that my credit card details were stolen and were being used without my knowledge. I suspect that the perpetrator must be that old man who begs in front of Scotiabank on Independence Square. I will be taking this matter up with the Police next week.
Another aspect of your final solution I must commend you on is your plan to demolish derelict homes used by "drug dealers and vagrants". This is sheer genius Mr. Lee Sing; what better way to deal with drug dealers than by making them homeless, thereby stripping them of any rights of legal recourse and then forcibly removing them to Piparo or St Ann's. You sir are a master chess player! It really annoys me that vagrants feel these derelict buildings are places to freely practise all kinds of unsavory behaviour - like getting high, having sex, or just getting drunk. It's like they make their own little nightclub sir!
I must admit though Sir, that I was complexly taken aback by your comment that "vagrants could contract cholera and spread it to all of us". I mean, it just didn't seem scientifically possible. Though when I thought about it, I realized that I had longed suspected the man I buy oysters from, Lalchan, to be a vagrant. There is just something about him. Please inform the police that you can find him, every Friday, selling oysters outside Bood's Bar in Chaguanas.
In closing Sir, keep up the good work, and may God guide the triumph of your will. My girlfriend says that I should tell you about some Russian man called Dostoyevsky, and that he once wrote: "The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons". I told her I don't trust anything written by a Russian. I don't know what she doing even reading Russian for, but she is a COP supporter and you know how them COP supporters are Sir - "knife and fork and books and reading and thing". I love her though, so I have to bear it.

Yours Faithfully,
Darryn Boodan

first published in Outlish Magazine 2010

Homophobic T&T: One Foot in the Closet

2010-12-07T12:46:00.000-08:00

Last week I posted a YouTube video on my Facebook wall, made by an American comedian, addressing the recent spate of gay, teen suicides in the States. An FB friend, let's call him 'Bob', decided to comment on the video saying, "Gays could do what the f@ck they want. Once they don't come around me", followed up with the more insightful "They could all kill themselves, don't really care". Now it would be easy to dismiss Bob as an idiot, after all he sounds like one, but on closer inspection of Bob's Facebook page, you'll discover that listed in his favourite music are Britney Spears, Whitney Houston, and Aretha Franklin.
He has a Maya Angelou quote for his FB status, and his profile pic shows him enthusiastically enjoying a mojito at Shakers.
A friend from France, who was appalled at Bob's comments, emailed me and asked if Bob represented the 'typical Trinidadian view on gays'.
Here is my reply to her:
Dear Candice,
Yes. Bob does represent Trinidad and Tobago's attitude towards gays. You see like Bob, Trinidad and Tobago is not really homophobic - it's schizophrenic. Let me explain.
While being a country that denies gays and lesbians their right to a legitimate space in mainstream public life - out of the sentiment that their lifestyle and values are in conflict with mainstream society - Trinidad and Tobago is also a country where, for two, whole days every year, mainstream society celebrates Carnival, the national festival where we don skimpy, colourful costumes, designed by celebrated 'mas men' like Peter Minshall or Brian Mac Farlane, and 'parade' ourselves down the streets of Port of Spain, happily 'jamming' and gyrating our buttocks on other scantily clad, sweaty, half-naked bodies along the way.

"T&T is also a place where there is no legal recognition of same-sex partnerships... yet it's also a place where gay culture is very much mainstream."

T&T is also a place where there is no legal recognition of same-sex partnerships or media addressing gay and lesbian issues, and homosexuality is still technically a crime, yet it's also a place where gay culture is very much mainstream. From skinny jeans, to mohawk haircuts, sparkly t-shirts, trendy wine bars, man bags, spoken word poetry, Beyoncé concerts, male grooming products, David Beckham worship, film festivals, and mixed martial arts to Carib and Stag commercials, where true manhood is depicted as having the bravery to walk through the rain carrying a flagpole up a slippery mountain, and then thrusting it into the muddy earth beneath you, making it fully erect.
You probably have heard of Pastor Winston Cuffie, then again probably not. He is a prominent pastor who was very opposed to Elton John performing at the Plymouth Jazz Festival. He believes gays can be 'cured', and once wrote in the Trinidad Express: "We must introduce (gays) to the love of Christ, for deliverance into a straight and normal life, which so many gay folks continue to enjoy after their born again experience". You can see Pastor Cuffie every Sunday morning on TV delivering his sermons - after which he presumably goes back to his house in Couva, which looks like a fairytale castle.

"Trinidadian society has created this special, mental psychosis."

As you can see, Trinidadian society has created this special, mental psychosis that enables us to live in relative peace with the idea that there are gays amongst us. It's our version of the American military's "don't ask, don't tell policy", except ours includes "don't ask, don't tell, don't want to talk about it, I don't want to deal with this, I'm not hearing what you're saying, burn in hell you heathen!"
Is this a healthy state of mind for a country to be in all the time? How do we cure it? I don't know. I am part of the sh*t. What I do know is that we have created a deep-seated, cultural mindset that will continuously evade the pressing issues of equality and justice that hang over certain members of our society. It prevents us from maturing as a society, and taking responsibility for our actions, or the lack thereof. The Trini, schizophrenic state of mind is something that has become so stitched into our brain, so woven into the fabric of our consciousness, so elegantly and perfectly designed in our cultural outlook, that if it looked like a dress, it would surely score maximum points on Project Runway.
Laters.
P.S: Bob is also just a douchebag.

first published in Outlish Magazine 2010

Growing up: Remembering my Firsts

2010-12-07T12:43:00.001-08:00

My name is Darryn Dinesh Boodan, and I am an adult. What does being an adult mean? Well it depends on how you look at it. When I was 15, being adult meant you didn't have to go to school; you could drive, have your own money, watch porn anytime, and hook up with older women. Now, being an adult mostly means, forcing yourself to go to a job you hate every day, remembering to pay your car loan, not letting your friends find out you still borrow money from your mom, not admitting to still watching porn, and wanting to hook up with younger women.
As I look back on my life, I can clearly see those defining moments when a boy took his first steps towards manhood. These are some of those moments (not in chronological order).

My First Kiss
Everybody remembers their first kiss, especially if it was with the most popular girl in your class. I was in Standard 4, and Debbie Dass told me she would kiss me behind the school, if I bought her a Catch. So my first kiss was a mixture of prepubescent nervous anxiety and excitement, coated with a layer of crispy milk chocolate and caramel. It was amazing. Debbie and I would go sneak off to kiss at the back of the school every lunchtime after that. I was completely in love with her, and even told her I wanted to marry her. Then one day she said she didn't want a Catch anymore; instead she wanted Ferrero Rocher. The school parlour didn't sell that, and, in any case, that was a sign that she was high maintenance, so I broke it off.
I guess being an adult is all about getting value for money.

The First time I Voted
Nothing says you are a responsible adult, conscious of the issues affecting your society, more than a finger stained with electoral ink. On Election Day of 2000, my father dropped me off at Montrose Government to vote for the first time.
"So how it feels to vote son?" my father asked me, as I got into his car.
"Good dad, I hope I make a difference," I replied, showing him my inked finger with pride.
"That's good son, I'm proud of you. I'm glad to see you being an adult and taking an interest in your country."
"Yeah, I really hope Mustapha Ali makes a difference in Chaguanas."
"But Darryn, ent Mustapha Ali is the PNM candidate?"
"Yeah I know dad. I vote for him."
"You went and vote for the PNM?? You serious!"
"Well I read his flyer and I think..."
"Get the hell out of my car Darryn! Walk the hell home!"
While walking home, I realized that being an adult also involved not letting anyone know how you really voted.

My First Drink
I had my first ever drink at Double R Bar on Endeavor Road (Chaguanas). I walked in one Saturday afternoon, sat at the bar, and ordered a drink. I was 16.
"What you drinking?" said the old Indian man behind the bar.
"Well what you recommend?" I asked, trying to sound suave.
"Well, you is an Indian, so rum."
"What me being Indian have to do with anything?"
"Well Indians drink rum; that's the way it is."
"Well what if I wanted a beer?"
"What kind of beer?"
"A Carib?"
"Well that would mean you is a buller."
"I'm not a buller!"
"Well drink Stag then; that's a man's beer! Look at the sign."
" I don't want a Stag. How about a Heineken?"
"Girls in TGI does drink Heineken. This is a rum shop."
"What about Guinness?"
"Guinness is for Creole and dem man. You look like a nice Indian boy, drink rum nah".
So after being schooled in "the way it is", like a responsible adult, I drank my first shot of rum.

The Time I got my Drivers Permit
The one irrefutable rite of passage that transforms a boy into a man is getting your driver's licence. I studied for my regulations religiously and signed up with Imran's driving service in Chaguanas to do ten lessons before I took my test. After my tenth and last lesson, Imran pulled me aside and said that although I was an excellent driver, he thought I was going to fail, and that I should give him an extra $500 to give to the licensing officer, so he would pass me.
"They can't fail me if I do everything correct," I said defiantly.
"Yes they can. They will fail you if you don't pay them. That's the way things work Darryn."
"Well this should be on the news. People need to know how corrupt the licensing office is."
"Yeah Darryn maybe you could lead a march like Gandhi and set the people free. Look, you want your permit or you don't want your permit? Is up to you."
In the end, I thought that endorsing my credentials as a grown man was worth $500. Being an adult is about making a stand.

My First Time
All I remember is Tunnel being packed, me drinking too much rum, the speakers blasting, "All I wanna do is zoom zoom in your poom poom", my parents not being home and Stacy Hiroop whispering in my ear that she liked my hair. Having said that, I'm pretty sure my first time having sex was awesome though; in any case that's what I told all my friends. I guess part of being an adult is knowing how to tell a story in the right way. I wish I had been more an adult and videotaped it.
So let's recap. What have I learnt growing up? Women will always want more, family and politics don't mix, drinking rum is not a personal preference - it's a civic duty, it's better to have a car than morals, and, if you tell a good story enough times, it will eventually become the truth. Class dismissed.

first published in Outlish Magazine 2010

Why is there so much Pressure on Indian Men to get Married?

2010-12-07T12:39:00.000-08:00

If you're like me, an Indian boy from a middle-class family growing up in Chaguanas, you had certain expectations placed on you from early on. You had to pass Common Entrance and go to Presentation College; there you would excel, play a sport like cricket, date a girl from Holy Faith Convent, write five subjects at A-levels, win a scholarship and then go to medical school. If like me, you failed to do any of these things, then there was still one last thing you could do to redeem yourself from being the complete abject failure you are in the eyes of your mother - find a nice Indian girl and get married.

In almost every society, everyone gets asked, "So when yuh gettin' married?" (minus the Trini dialect). If you're a single, Indian man, you could get asked that just as regularly, as a woman whose spinster status is almost solid gold.
I decided to sit down with my mother to try and find out why getting married is so damned important.

Darryn: So mum why is there so much pressure on Indian men to get married?
Mum: Since when I ever put pressure on you to get married Darryn? This is what you want people to think, that I am a bad mother? You see the kind of son I have, the whole of Trinidad have to hear how I am a bad mother!
Darryn: You're always telling me I should get married! How many times have you told me I should marry Savi?
Mum: Well you should marry her; she is a nice girl! What else you going to do? You going to just shack up with somebody daughter?
Darryn: Yeah, why not? I don't see any shining examples of great marriages in our family.
Mum: What you talking about? Your father and I had a good marriage, until we got divorced.
Darryn: Well, if you put it that way...
Mum: What about your cousin Kylash, he's married now and he seems so happy.
Darryn: Oh right Kylash... Right. How could I forget Kylash, the hairdresser, who goes to Martinique every month by himself to "dance"...
Mum: He is a sensitive, artistic boy and he loves his mother!
Darryn: Everybody knows Kylash gay mum. Everybody, including YOU, does get together and say how they so sorry for Tanty Ragee and how she son gay. He only got married to please Tanty Ragee.
Mum: It doesn't matter if he gay Darryn, he is married and he's happy!
Darryn: People shouldn't just get married to please other people or out of some warped sense of obligation. Just look at Uncle Krishna.
Mum: What wrong with your Uncle Krishna? His and Cindy's wedding was so nice!
Darryn: Didn't he only marry Cindy because she got pregnant?
Mum: No! Things happen Darryn, that's life!
Darryn: They are always fighting; they always seem to have problems. They don't seem to have a nice marriage.
Mum: Every couple fights Darryn. Every marriage has problems. That's life that's normal!
Darryn: You remember when she stab him with the BBQ prong?
Mum: Why do you hate your family Darryn? Eh, why do you hate your family so much?
Darryn: I'm just saying. I don't see why two people have to get married to be together.
Mum: Look you don't know how happy a parent is to see their children get married. It's a big thing. Every mother and father looks forward to the day when they can see their son or daughter find a nice person to settle down with. When you have children of your own you will understand.
Darryn: How come nobody seems so excited that Kevin is getting married?
Mum: Of course they are. It's just that Kevin's situation is different.
Darryn: Is it because Jill is African?
Mum: No of course not. That has nothing to do with it.
Darryn: And she wants a Catholic wedding and not a big Hindu one?
Mum: No of course not! That has nothing to do with it!
Darryn: Uncle Varun say that Aunty Seema locks herself in her room and cries everyday because she "going to have dougla grandchildren".
Mum: That's nice Darryn tell the whole of Trinidad all of your family business! Have I been such a bad mother that this is how you are to your own family? I am sorry ok. I am sorry that I want to see you settle down I am sorry that I want to have a nice day where I can say, "That's my son there marrying that nice girl". I am sorry I have been oppressing you with my needs. I am sorry for being such a bad mother!
Darryn: Why do you always twist everything around to you being a bad mother. You always do this; you always try to send me on a guilt trip!
Mum: I glad you recording this! I want everybody to hear how you raise your voice and bawl at your own mother.
Darryn: Arghh! Look never mind! This is going nowhere. I'm getting out of here, where is Savi?
Mum: Ohh, she is out in the back with the contractors.
Darryn: What contractors?
Mum: The ones who building the annex in the back for you two.

There are two things I learnt from this conversation. Firstly, my mother has almost finished building an annex at the back of our house for my "future wife" and I. Secondly, it's actually Indian women, and not men, who are under pressure to get married, or ensure their children get married. Indian men are just innocent bystanders in their way. The older they get, the worse it gets, as they're 'obligated' to carry on the family name.
I suspect that might also be the case for men and women of all races.

first published in Outlish Magazine.2010