Sunday, September 18, 2016

A crime prayer

Dear God, whether you go by any of the many names Trinbagonians call you; Jesus, Shiva, Allah or Lionel Messi, I am praying to you to help stop the violent crime epidemic plaguing Trinidad and Tobago. I know you are a Trini at heart. Which may explain why you allowed crime to spiral out of control and have done little to fix it, despite our constant pleas. It’s ok, as a fellow Trini I understand. You’re probably on lunch and the lunch hour in heaven must operate according to a different standard of time than it does on Earth. Just like it does in the Passport Office. 

Hang 'em High!

Like most Trinbagonians I believe we need to foster a humane society where the value of human life is respected. And where those who don’t respect it are brutally executed. That’s why I support the enforcement of the death penalty. By resuming capital punishment, T&T will send a strong moral message to the violent gangs and crime lords currently terrorizing our land: cross us and you’ll die. It will also help teach the youths that killing is wrong. The same way I intend to teach my son about the dangers of alcohol; by making him watch me get drunk and then beating him senseless.

Freshly Brewed Paranoia

Last week news broke of the horrific conditions in which dogs were being kept at the San Fernando dog pound. Some dogs were so starved for food that they were eating other dogs. Rightfully, people across T&T were outraged. Because American coffee house chain Starbucks had opened a branch in San Fernando. Foreign imperialists had come to sell us their foreign coffee. At least those dogs at the pound were eating local dogs.