T&T needs to be more godless

Forget good customer service, prison officers who know how to lock a prison cell, or more people telling spoken word poets that spoken word poetry sucks. What Trinidad and Tobago really needs are more atheists. What is an atheist, you ask? Well, atheists are people who believe in a natural universe governed by scientific laws, free from supernatural forces. Simply put, atheists are people who don't believe there is an all-powerful, invisible man who can help pick their Lotto numbers.

Now I know what you are going to say. “Some people say atheism is simply a belief, just like religious belief.” No, it isn't. That's something stupid people say because to them it sounds clever. Atheism is simply the lack of believing in the supernatural because there is no scientific evidence to support it. That's all. It doesn't involve eating babies or worshipping Satan. Well, not unless you're into that.

Everybody panic!

Trinbagonians love to panic. It's our second favourite mindset after “not giving a crap”. Last week provided a gold mine of things to panic about. Firstly, people were panicking over whether or not the underwater volcano Kick 'em Jenny was going to erupt, triggering a tsunami.

As everyone knows, God stops hurricanes from hitting T&T. But his stance on major earthquakes and tsunamis is unclear. Kick 'em Jenny has erupted 11 times before with no fanfare. But that was before Facebook, so people didn't know that they needed to panic.

Are we ready for a robot PM?

It's time that we as a nation embrace the idea of electing a robot as prime minister. I know what you are thinking. The notion of being ruled by stiff, unfeeling, soulless beings seems unimaginable. But really, couldn't we use those very words to describe most of our current politicians? Why not replace them with actual robots who would have the added skill of being capable of getting stuff done?

The idea isn't as far-fetched as it sounds. According to a report in The Economist, almost 47 per cent of all jobs will be automated by 2034. It's a trend that looks set to continue for the rest of the century. Humans in low-skill jobs in the service sector, transportation and production are at immediate risk of being replaced by machines.

Man bites dog

Like most Trinbagonians everything I know about the ancient civilisation of China and the customs of Chinese people comes from watching Bruce Lee movies. That's why I wasn't surprised by the public outcry over a video that went viral last week showing Chinese people appearing to skin a dog for eating.

Citizens will fully support you if you need to enter a secret Kung-Fu tournament to avenge your dead father. But just don't do anything weird while you're there, like eat dog meat.
The people in the video were most likely recent Chinese migrants. In China eating dog meat is not widely practiced but some do include it as part of their diet and it is acceptable throughout many Asian cultures. The circumstances surrounding the video are unclear, including whether it was even filmed here. But in our culture, not having all the facts about something doesn't mean you can't still exhibit self-righteous outrage over it.

The Great Dumb Debate

Like everyone else who doesn't have cable TV or reliable Internet access I'm really hoping there is a televised political debate this year. The only entertaining things to watch on local TV are the news, televangelists and Mother Nature ads. That's why I am eagerly looking forward to seeing the Prime Minister and Opposition Leader articulate their stance on the issues while insulting each other with biting one-liners.

I know that some poor deluded people like the T&T Debates Commission have grandiose ideas about the role televised political debates have. Something about democracy, accountability and having an informed citizenry. But for us in the real world, televised political debates are just great dumb entertainment. They're like an episode of the show Maury.

Why T&T will never legalise gay marriage

Last week, many Trinbagoni­ans were shocked and outraged by news coming out of the United States. The news that hit TV show Hannibal had been cancelled. Studio executives at NBC had obviously lost their goddamned minds. This injustice was ignored, mainly because other Trinbagonians were busy being shocked and outraged at the US Supreme Court ruling making gay marriage legal nationwide.

Homosexuals in America can now enter an unholy alliance where they can commit all manner of perversion, such as filing joint tax returns, putting their spouses on their health insurance plans and ensuring their spouses have legal rights to their estates without the need of a will.It's easy to see why people here are upset. Homosexuality is a criminal offence in T&T. But now, thanks to the US Supreme Court, homosexuals here might now start entertaining all kinds of fancy, highfalutin ideas. Like, they're people and they have rights.

Dominican Republic and selective outrage

The Dominican Republic perhaps felt that stripping the rights of hundreds of thousands of their own citizens would have impressed their neighbours in Caricom. Like the way Caricom is with Cuba, a country that has gone further and stripped the rights of all its citizens. But instead, people across the Caribbean were outraged.

Caricom leaders condemned the immigration policies of the Dominican Republic, calling them racist and discriminatory. Unlike Caricom's own immigration policy towards Haiti. Which they pointed out isn't racist or discriminatory, though it might look that way. Haiti is the only Caricom member whose nationals require a visa to travel to other Caricom states. But it's not because they are Haitian or anything. Honest.