What if Trump wins?

For most Americans, major decisions usually involves whether or not to supersize your happy meal, choosing between Ruby Tuesday’s or TGI Friday’s and which wrestler to support at ‘WCW Summer Slam’.  But next week Tuesday, Americans have a really tough decision to make; choosing between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump to be President. Though Clinton has the edge in the polls, a Trump victory shouldn’t be ruled out. After all stranger things have happened this year; like the UK voting for Brexit, Columbia voting against a peace deal with the FARC rebels and most shockingly  the West Indies winning a test match against Pakistan.

A T&T Halloween story

It’s that time of year for tales of ghosts, zombies and blood suckers. Yes, local government elections are upon us, and political candidates have started canvassing. Of course it’s also Diwali and Halloween time. I love Diwali but I find Halloween more intellectually stimulating; as it allows me to go to parties where women dress as sleazy versions of superhero characters. T&T is also home to a great Halloween horror story, worthy of Stephen King. It’s a tale of a twisted curse that has been revisited upon successive generations of Trinbagonians since independence. Inflicting pain, misery and mediocre politicians. I am talking about; ‘the resource curse’.

A message from the Attorney General

Dear fellow citizens, my friend Darryn Boodan has allowed me to use his regular column space to address the current controversy of the pictures of young children holding weapons at Camp Cumuto. Now I cannot confirm nor deny that the children in these pictures are mine. It’s hard to tell, the pictures are grainy and I certainly didn’t teach my children to hold a HK G36 - C Variant with such poor posture. All I will say is that whoever these children’s father is I’m sure he’s a simple, hardworking man who is trying his best as  Attorney General and you all should get off his damn back.

UWI Double Think

The University of the West Indies (UWI) has fascinating lecturers. Take for example Faculty of Engineering Professor, Stephan Gift. Mr. Gift has written many letters to newspapers refuting Einstein’s Theory of General Relativity and Darwin’s Theory of Evolution. Or take Computer Science lecturer Noel Kalicharan, who warns the public that vaccines are part of a worldwide conspiracy. Or former poetry lecturer Dr. Wayne Kublalinsgh who claims he can live for months on sunlight and Tulsi leaves alone. If UWI ever needed a suicide squad of lecturers saying dumb things, they could easily assemble one.

Imaginary Q&A with Colm Imbert

Last week, Minister of Finance Colm Imbert, presented the 2017 Budget, entitled “Shaping a Brighter Future:  A Blueprint for Transformation and Growth” to Parliament.  I wanted to meet the Minister to discuss the budget at his office in Port of Spain. But then I realized driving to Port of Spain from Chaguanas is burning gas I can’t afford. I figured it would be cheaper to simply imagine interviewing Minister Imbert. So that’s what I did. Here’s how it went:

Reading Dr. Rowley

It’s highly unusual for a sitting Prime Minister to publish his or her memoirs after just one year in office. But that’s exactly what Prime Minister Dr. Keith Rowley has done with his book “From Mason Hall to White Hall; His name is Keith Rowley”. In publishing his memoirs so early, Dr. Rowley is the first T&T Prime Minister to tacitly admit that he’s probably not going to do anything worth writing about in the next four years. It’s a refreshing move. Some have pointed out that the title is a bit odd, considering T&T’s Prime Ministers no longer reside at Whitehall. But the title is actually inspired by a speech. And in fairness, "From Mason Hall to St Anns" doesn’t have quite the same ring to it. 

A crime prayer

Dear God, whether you go by any of the many names Trinbagonians call you; Jesus, Shiva, Allah or Lionel Messi, I am praying to you to help stop the violent crime epidemic plaguing Trinidad and Tobago. I know you are a Trini at heart. Which may explain why you allowed crime to spiral out of control and have done little to fix it, despite our constant pleas. It’s ok, as a fellow Trini I understand. You’re probably on lunch and the lunch hour in heaven must operate according to a different standard of time than it does on Earth. Just like it does in the Passport Office.