Trini emails to Santa Claus

As all Trinbagonians know, Christmas is a magical time of the year. A time for giving to the less fortunate, showing goodwill to our fellow man, and listening to sexually suggestive Soca Parang songs.  It’s also the time of the year when boys and girls across the world write to Santa Claus, asking him for the presents they would love to find under their Christmas tree on Christmas morning. Of course no one writes letters anymore, they send emails. Thanks to the power of the internet and some Russian hackers we can read some of the sweet and delightful messages that jolly Saint Nick has gotten from good boys and girls in T&T. Here they are:

T&T’s next top hangman

Do you like working with your hands? Meeting new people? And enjoy the bloodcurdling sound of someone’s neck snapping in half? Then why not consider an exciting career as T&T’s hangman! T&T has not needed a hangman since 1999. But career prospects are looking brighter.  That’s because the current outrage over the tragic murder of Shannon Banfield, as well as our spiraling out of control murder rate, has many people calling for the services of hangmen to be resumed. Thus making the business of killing people, who have killed other people, a killer opportunity.

The ugly truth about post truth

 Every year I send the Oxford Dictionary my suggestion for their annual “word of the year”.  This year I submitted a word I invented; “Imbert”. This “means “making it up as you go along until a riot starts”. As in “We haven't really thought out this fuel price increase, let’s just Imbert it”. But as usual those snobs in Oxford have ignored me. Instead they have chosen “Post Truth” as their word for 2016.

Local government yokels

Unlike general elections, local government elections offer the opportunity for citizens to think about the everyday issues affecting their communities. Issues like; how much did the previous government spend on roti?  Or, how many people can Inshan Ishmael insult on his TV show? And of course, just how many outside children does Dr. Rowley have? One issue close to my heart is the tall uncut grass along the river bank near where I live. Despite my numerous letters to my local councilor complaining that it's an eyesore as well as hindering me from disposing of my old fridge, he has yet to respond.

The elegant design of potholes

Forget the steelpan, the hummingbird or a masked man robbing you at gunpoint; the true symbol of Trinidad and Tobago is the humble neighborhood pothole. Potholes perfectly capture what our nation is about; a land of irregular shapes mysterious depths and completely unnecessary car accidents. Indeed the pothole has been our longest serving and most trusted institution. Successive generations have seen governments come and go, new technologies come and go, and road pavers come and go, yet through it all, the nation’s potholes have endured.

The ‘Yuge’ upset

Shocking! Unbelievable! It’s the end of the world! Those were the sentiments expressed this week as the world witnessed the incredible scenes of Finance Minister Colm Imbert actually apologizing for a remark he made. What fantastical thing will happen next - the Prime Minister holding a press conference where he calmly answers questions directly? But that wasn't the only earth shattering event this week. On Tuesday Americans elected Donald Trump as their 45th President. Defying all the odds, Trump proved the American dream is alive and well. As long as you’re a billionaire reality TV star , telling bold faced lies to your supporters  and bullying everyone who disagrees with you  - you too can become President.

What if Trump wins?

For most Americans, major decisions usually involves whether or not to supersize your happy meal, choosing between Ruby Tuesday’s or TGI Friday’s and which wrestler to support at ‘WCW Summer Slam’.  But next week Tuesday, Americans have a really tough decision to make; choosing between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump to be President. Though Clinton has the edge in the polls, a Trump victory shouldn’t be ruled out. After all stranger things have happened this year; like the UK voting for Brexit, Columbia voting against a peace deal with the FARC rebels and most shockingly  the West Indies winning a test match against Pakistan.