Friday, September 15, 2017

Darryn’s Invisible Oil

Is crude oil always messing up your clothes, your floor and the inside of your oil refinery? Then why not try Darryn’s Invisible Oil! Darryn’s Invisible Oil enables you to enjoy all the benefits of crude oil without all the ‘crude’ and ‘oil’. That’s because Darryn’s Invisible Oil is produced via a special drilling process called “Rowley-Khaning”, which involves using the energy of Dr. Keith Rowley going on vacation to drill into the imagination of Minister Franklyn Khan;  unleashing endless barrels of rich crude nothingness.

Buying Darryn’s Invisible Oil is easy. Simply place your order of, say four hundred thousand barrels and we will deliver your invisible oil the next day with our special fleet of invisible trucks. Along with a very visible bill for 100 Million dollars. Other invisible oil companies like to brag that they are personal friends with the Prime Minister and are PNM party financiers. But only Darryn’s Invisible Oil guarantees such a high level of invisibility that not even Petrotrin’s nosey internal auditors will be able to spot it.   

Listen to what people are saying about Darryn’s Invisible Oil:

“As full time acting Prime Minister of Trinidad and Tobago I like to relax by being the Minister of Finance. The revenue generated from refining and selling Darryn’s Invisible Oil helps fund my policies like invisible crime plans, invisible healthcare, and invisible ways to diversify the economy. Enabling me to only have to tax people to fund visible things like CEPEP, mega projects and wild government schemes. Thanks, Darryn’s Invisible Oil!”
-        -Colm Imbert –Minister of Finance

“There are problems we at the Ministry of Energy struggle with. Like, “What exactly is a PNM financier?” and “Was I aware of any wrongdoing?” Thankfully, Invisible Oil isn’t one of them. When I wanted to brag to Parliament that Petrotrin was now refining thousands more barrels of crude oil, Darryn’s Invisible Oil was there to help me out. That’s because they are not bogged down by red tape like conducting geological studies, site mapping and actually drilling for oil. We at the Ministry of Energy salute your inventiveness Darryn’s Invisible Oil!”
-        -Franklin Khan, Minister of Energy
“I first learned about Darryn’s Invisible Oil from the invisible owners of Bridgeman Trinidad Services, not only is  it 100% environmentally safe and easy to use, but the best part is you don’t need a ferry to ship it to Tobago. Some ungrateful people say they can’t see the benefit of using invisible oil, but those people simply have no vision or imagination. Incidentally, I would also like to say that we have finally solved the sea bridge crisis, by contracting Darryn’s Invisible Ferry Services”
-        -Rohan Sinanan, Minister of Transport

“As Prime Minister I believe in the philosophy of invisibility. That’s why I look like I’m never around and not doing anything. People can say what they want, like, there is no such thing as invisible oil. Or that Petrotrin’s forensic audit has revealed widespread fraud. To them I say; Darryn’s Invisible Oil is very real, his campaign contributions prove that. In fact I believe in Darryn’s Invisible Oil so much that I made Darryn’s daughter a senator. Her invisible qualifications are impeccable.”
-Dr. Keith Rowley, Prime Minister

“As Permanent Secretary in the Ministry of Energy, I am deeply disturbed that Petrotin is buying Darryn’s Invisible Oil. However in my other role sitting on Petrotrin’s board, I can say Darryn’s Invisible Oil is wonderful and value for money. I promise as Permanent Secretary to fully investigate the manner by which Petrotrin has been paying Darryn’s Invisible Oil millions of dollars. I also promise that as a Petrotrin board member any investigation into Darryn’s Invisible Oil will find nothing corrupt. Or at least nothing corrupt that leads back to the PNM.”   
-Selwyn Lashley –Permanent Secretary in the Ministry of Energy and Petrotin Board Member

“Once Darryn’s Invisible Oil doesn’t impact my salary demands, I don’t care.”
-Ancel Roget –President of the OWTU

 “When I think of Darryn’s Invisible Oil I remember the words of the French philosopher Jean Rostand, who said; ‘Kill one man, they call you a murderer. Kill a million men and they call you a conqueror’. In T&T it’s rob one gas station, they will call you a bandit. Rob an oil refinery and they will be too scared to call your name, least you sue them.”
-Ain Vee-bandit who robbed a gas station

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