The Fast and the Feckless

Like most motorists I was shocked to learn that I can now be fined $1000 for going over the speed limit. Since when do we have a speed limit? I do always see some signs along the highway that say ‘Speed Limit 80kph’. But, being Trinbagonian, I thought that was just a casual recommendation and not a law. Like ‘no driving on the shoulder’ or ‘no parking in the handicap zone’ or ‘no riding the leather-back turtle’. For the first time, traffic police will be enforcing the speed limit using sophisticated speed guns. Yes, we have traffic police now.

Thank God I’m a Man

There are lots of reasons I’m grateful I’m a Trinbagonian man. For starters, I can pee anywhere, anytime I want. I can appreciate the art form that is WCW wrestling. And I possess the ability to hear that Beyoncé’s music is rubbish. But most especially, I’m grateful I’m a Trinbagonian man because I will never  require getting an abortion.

A Gold Medal for Cronyism

Like most Trinbagonians, I want to extend congratulations to the Trinidad and Tobago Gymnastics Federation (TTGF) on its treatment of gymnast Thema Williams. The TTGF’s plan to pull Thema Williams from the Olympics, in favor of fellow gymnast Marisa Dick is a fine example of those proud Trinbagonian traditions of nepotism, cronyism, and bad mind. It also proves that if destroying the hard work of others to fulfill your own selfish ambitions were an Olympic sport, Trinbagonians would surely dominate.

How to get Poor, Quick

Comrades, are you fed up with living in a country where grocery shelves are stacked with food? Frustrated by your freedom to use the Internet? Tired of using toilet paper? Then why not embrace the wonderful economic theory of socialism. Socialism is the easiest and fastest way to reduce the economy of any country to a smoldering ruin-guaranteed.

Darryn’s Backyard Abortion Clinic

In these tough economic times, everyone needs extra cash. As I lack the skills to enter into the obvious money making ventures; selling doubles, planting cassava or starting a church, I have decided to do the next best thing and open a backyard abortion clinic. 

Flying Spaghetti Monster demands Public Holiday

 Everyone knows that God is a Trini. Which means there's nothing God loves more than an excuse to take a day off work. That’s why we at the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster are calling on the government to immediately proclaim  June 1^st a public holiday as 'Flying Spaghetti Monster day'. This is to commemorate the holy day when our lord and noodle, the Flying Spaghetti Monster descended from his beer volcano in heaven and created the Universe. 

Escape to a Police State

Do you need a break from the daily grind of your job, your commute and your right to free expression? Then why not take a vacation to the socialist paradise of Cuba?!  You may have seen that this week President Barack Obama himself visited Cuba, as part of a “thawing” of relations between it and the US. This makes it the ideal time to visit Cuba, and potentially the last chance to experience the country in its un-spoilt state before the Americans ruin it by opening KFC and Starbucks chains and other steady means of employment.