Friday, March 2, 2018

Shamfa Cudjoe’s guide to self sufficiency


Dear Citizens of Trinidad and Tobago, regular columnist Darryn Boodan is off today, he’s gone to do a photoshoot for a stranger he met on Facebook. I am Tobago West MP and Minister of Tourism Shamfa Cudjoe. As you may be aware there are slight delays affecting travel between Trinidad and Tobago on account of bad weather and not having a ferry service. 

As we eagerly await news from Minister Imbert’s Twitter account about the arrival of the new ferry, I wanted to share some thoughts from a film I recently saw, a wonderful and inspiring tale about survival against the odds. It’s called Mad Max; Fury’s Road. There are valuable lessons in it about self-sufficiency for both ordinary Tobagonians and those being chased by a vicious motorcycle gang through a post-apocalyptic world alike.  
Here are some of my own tips to become more self-sufficient:
Tip 1. Grow your own food
 We should be growing all the food we need and not rely on fancy ferry’s to bring it to us. Why for example can’t we make our own bread? All you need is flour and baking pans and oil and yeast. And you can get all of those things in the grocery sometimes. I love Nutella and recently planted a jar in my back yard, and can’t wait to reap all the Nutella I want for free.
Some idiots who call themselves “economists” say that an economy needs “specialization” meaning people who specialize in making certain things. This helps boost production and efficiency and creates a surplus of goods benefitting everyone.  If everyone had to make their own food these idiots say, we would all starve because it would be vastly inefficient. But that just sounds like more fake news to me.
Tip 2 Develop an entrepreneurial spirit
We as Tobagonians need to stop with this ‘gimme gimme’ attitude we have. We can’t expect the government to employ us, feed us or pay our phone bills. That’s why we need to be more entrepreneurial and create our own businesses. Creating a business is easy, all you need is an idea and access to millions of tax payer dollars. Look at all the businesses the government alone has helped to create in Tobago; CEPEP projects, hotel projects, a new tourism company, the Airport renovation project. Why can’t the people of Tobago stop being lazy and do like the government? 
I know some ‘negative nancie’s’ are going to say “oh but Shamfa what about the economic theory of ‘Crowding out’-where government spending depresses private enterprise by distorting the labour market and stifling innovation. Isn’t all this government spending actually impeding the private sector in Tobago”? Well to that I say “Sorry I have to switch my phone off they making me use prepaid now.”
Tip 3 Build an underground Bunker
You might think underground bunkers are just for conspiracy theorists, the zombie apocalypse or just those who can’t believe Marlene is back in Cabinet. But a bunker is also good for keeping out the most wretched thing in Tobago. No its not crime, or unemployment or Toolum; it’s the media. 
Everyone knows the media hates Tobago. Why else would they keep gleefully pointing out all of Tobago flaws like it’s a fat girl in a skimpy carnival costume? A true patriot would never go blabbing their mouths about food shortages or companies having to shut down or tourists getting brutally murdered. 
In your bunker you can rest easy and be blissfully unaware of the chaos surrounding you. A bunker is so trendy even Dr. Rowley has one he stays in anytime he’s in Tobago.
Tip 4 Innovate
The real key to self-sufficiency is innovation. Like being able to make your car run on wood instead of gas. Or being able to build weapons to hunt out of spoons. Or being able to make a filter to let you drink your own urine because WASA locked off the water again.
How about instead of using flour to bake with, we use sweet Tobago sand. And how about instead of band aids we use fig leaves. And how about instead of cell phones we join two cups with a string. These are the kinds of cutting edge ideas we need to be thinking about to ween ourselves off our ferry dependency syndrome.
Well that’s all for now. I need to go water my Nutella plants. 



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