Dr. Rowley’s cozy friendship with our Venezuelan neighbor and
resident tyrant Nicolas Maduro is clearly rubbing off on him. He’s adopted Maduro’s fondness for Conga line
dancing, making rambling speeches and threatening political rivals with
violence. It now appears that Dr. Rowley has also developed a taste for that
favorite dish of the Maduro regime; public displays of ridiculous political
propaganda. That’s because on Wednesday Dr. Rowley’s government held what it
described as a “public education exercise” on the economics of the energy
industry at the Hyatt Regency Hotel. Except the public wasn’t invited, and
people educated in economics and the energy industry weren’t allowed to speak.
Friday, March 16, 2018
Saturday, March 10, 2018
A conversation with Minister McDonald
Last week Dr. Rowley shocked the nation when he reappointed
Marlene McDonald to the Cabinet, making her new Minister of Public
Administration and Minister in the Ministry of Communication. In keeping with
his Governments firm commitment of ignoring inconvenient questions in the hope
that they will go away, neither Dr. Rowley nor his new Communications Minister
spoke to the media. So I decided to make up a completely fake interview with
Minister McDonald instead. Here it is:
Friday, March 2, 2018
Shamfa Cudjoe’s guide to self sufficiency
Dear Citizens of Trinidad and Tobago, regular columnist Darryn
Boodan is off today, he’s gone to do a photoshoot for a stranger he met on Facebook.
I am Tobago West MP and Minister of Tourism Shamfa Cudjoe. As you may be aware
there are slight delays affecting travel between Trinidad and Tobago on account
of bad weather and not having a ferry service.
Saturday, February 24, 2018
A Housing Community for Minister Biswas
Chapter 1. Eat ah food
Two years before the general election of 2020, Randal. M.
Biswas, Minister of housing and urban development let out a big stupes. Not the
kind of stupes that one makes when a poor woman tells you she’s living in the hospital and needs a house. But rather
the kind when ungrateful members of the public get vex because the government decided
to build a 500 unit apartment tower block on agricultural land in St Joseph.
Friday, February 16, 2018
A Government in Retreat
Ash
Wednesday is the time the nation collectively sobers up after the revelry and
excess indulged in over the carnival season. Some people will head to church
for ashes. Others will get back to work. Many more will discover that you
really need to be drunk to fully appreciate Soca or Chutney. For Prime Minister
Dr. Keith Rowley, Ash Wednesday was also the best time to hold a government
retreat at the Diplomatic Centre. Reporters were not allowed inside the one day
retreat, but sources have given the Express exclusive transcripts of the
meetings which our legal department have confirmed is in no way real. But here
it is anyway:
Friday, February 2, 2018
His name was Oscar Perez
“Venezuela,
they don’t want us to turn ourselves in. They literally want to kill us, they
just told us (so)…stay strong,” said Oscar Perez in one of the seven videos he
posted to Instagram on January 15. Mr. Perez and his rebel group, who had been
hiding out in a small house in the Caracas neighborhood of El Junqito were
surrounded by police. After exchanging gunfire for nine hours, two policemen
were killed; five rebels were captured while seven others lay dead; including Oscar
Perez. The next day, Venezuelan Interior Minister Nestor Reverol
proclaimed that a “terrorist cell” had been “dismantled”. The millions who saw
the whole episode play out live on social media however, felt they witnessed
something else; an extrajudicial mass killing.
Friday, January 26, 2018
Dr. Rowley responds to Ralph Maraj
Dear citizens of Trinidad and Tobago, regular columnist
Darryn Boodan is off today, as he has an important business meeting with a
money lender from Enterprise Village, who gives Carnival Loans. As a result the
Trinidad Express has allowed me; your Prime Minister, to use this space to
respond to a column by Ralph Maraj, entitled ‘Resign Rowley’. Now admittedly I
don’t read the Express. It’s filled with too much depressing stories about
crime and the failing economy. I get all my news from Minister Stuart Young,
who told me that the public loves me so much my last address to the nation is
going to win road march this year. That’s why I was shocked when I heard Ralph
Maraj had accused me of being disconnected from reality and demanded I resign.
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