Jail Massive Gosein

As a longtime aficionado of the majestic art-form that is Chutney music, I am deeply offended by Massive Gosein’s latest release ‘Rowlee Mudda Count’ and call on the police to arrest him. This crass and offensive song contains none of the sophisticated concepts that chutney music is famous for. Such as, drinking rum, getting horn, and making at least one reference about somebody’s nanny. Instead ‘Rowlee Mudda Count’ is a shameless attempt to humiliate Prime Minister Dr. Keith Rowley. A fact which is bizarre, as its perfectly clear Dr. Rowley appears fully capable of doing that all by himself.

Give a S*&T Kicker this Christmas

This Christmas give a gift that will last a lifetime. Or at least until the next general election. A S*&t Kicker! S*&t Kickers are the great new multipurpose boots that’s specially designed for every occasion. Whether you’re vacationing-yet again.  Or dancing with brutal Venezuelan dictators. Or just casually threatening your political opponents with violence on TV. S*&t Kicker boots will let you do it all with style, comfort, and a complete lack of shame.  Listen to what these satisfied customers are saying about their S*&t Kickers:

Darryn’s Christmas Classics

Boodan records proudlypresents, Darryn’s Christmas Classics -a collection of your favorite Christmas songs. Each guaranteed to filleveryone’s Christmas with magic and cheer.Except for the scrooges in the Express legal department. Who sent me a letter saying they are ‘fed up’ with me. Anyway this Christmas sit back with your pastelles and a glass of sorrel and listen to timeless hits such as;

The Prison Guard’s Occurrence book

This week Trinbagonians were shocked by the news of a woman making a daring escape for freedom; yes PNM Senator Allyson Baksh resigned. Less shocking was the news that fraudster Vicky Boodram had escaped the women’s prison in Golden Grove. After all, no one expects the nation’s top security personnel to be a match against the wits of a bogus travel agent.

Stuart Young’s Make-up Tips

Dear Trinidad and Tobago, regular columnist Darryn Boodan has the week off on account of being too scared to drive into Port-of-Spain. I am Minister Stuart Young. All my friends just call me Stewie, after the evil genius toddler from the TV show family guy. But have no fear, unlike that Stewie, I’m not a genius.

Being a Minister in the Ministry of the Attorney General and Legal Affairs and a Minister in the Office of the Prime Minister comes with a lot of responsibilities. Such as crafting legal legislation, communicating government policy, and most importantly spying on the Attorney General for the Prime Minister. But you may not know that I am also a fully licensed make-up artist. As you know, Trinbagonian politics is all about skin tone, which is why knowing how to apply make-up is essential. I’d like to share my top five tips for tricking people into thinking that your government is prettier than it is:

An interview with Ambassador Antoine

This week controversy brewed as employees in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs expressed outrage at the appointment of young and little known Makeda Antoine as T&T’s new ambassador to the United Nations. I wanted to interview Ms. Antoine to find out more about her. But I also wanted to see Thor; Ragnarok. So I skipped the interview and just did that. But here is a completely made up interview instead:

100 years of "That’s not real socialism"

This week saw  the anniversary of one of the greatest  events in world history;  20 years since  world wrestling champion Bret Hart successfully defended his title against Shawn Michaels at WWF’s Survivor Series.  Incidentally, this week also marked the 100th anniversary of the October Revolution in Russia. A hundred years ago, Vladimir IIyich Lenin and his band of Bolsheviks overthrew the Russian Republic, creating  a  glorious socialist workers paradise that would  be the tyrannical hell hole known as the  USSR. Which means it’s also 100 years since hippies, UWI intellectuals and trade union leaders started using the world's most popular excuse  for the failure of socialism; "That's not real socialism".