The Benefits of Beating Children

On Wednesday a video on social media showing an adult man brutally slapping a young child went viral. It drew widespread outrage and condemnation, so much so that the man and woman in the video reportedly went on the run from police later that same day.  As we all know our police have no tolerance for violent bullies, unless of course they are policemen.

Personally I don’t understand what all the fuss is about. After all in the video the young girl, who looks about four years old, was acting like a complete four year old and refusing to drink her milk. She needed to be taught a lesson. And most Trinbagonians would agree that the way you get children to learn something is to beat them senselessly until they get it.

Many people have been quick to label this video as an example of child abuse. But that’s only because for most Trinbagonians “child abuse” only happens when OTHER people senselessly beat and abuse their children, not when THEY do it. Because when THEY do it, it’s called corporal punishment. And it’s totally fine.

Sure, according to scientific research into children who get beaten regularly, this young girl is more at risk of developing mental illnesses, having a stunted IQ, and becoming prone to violence herself; but hey, I  bet she always drinks her milk from now on. That’s the kind of discipline she could have only learnt by getting slapped to the ground.

Indiscipline is a serious problem in T&T. It was only this week that Minister of Education Anthony Garcia, citing widespread violence and bullying, talked about the epidemic of indiscipline plaguing our schools.

Sadly, thanks to pansies who like to follow everything they see in developed countries run by white people, teachers can no longer beat some sense into our children. This means children will continue to grow up turning to a life of crime and violence having never learnt via a good beating that violence never solves anything.

Thankfully though the law can’t stop parents from beating their children, and doesn’t prosecute parents who do. In fact it barely even does anything to parents who burn their children on tawahs or who run them over in the driveway. This is good because beating children is much more important than simply teaching them to drink milk or pay attention in class; it’s also about molding them into future Trinbagonians.

As stated earlier it’s been proven than beating children repeatedly lowers their IQ. This is useful in that it will ensure our country will always have a steady supply of aspiring politicians, Miss World pageant contenders and religious leaders.

This means proud Trinbagonian traditions like believing in the death penalty, adults being able to legally marry children, and telling girls that being pretty is life’s greatest accomplishment, will all be able to live on for generations to come.

Also just like the generations before them, future Trinbagonians will also one day be able to tell their children the tales of their own legendary beatings, adding, "And you know what? I was glad for the cut ass. I turn out good because of it." While simultaneously suppressing decades of resentment and self-loathing.

The best reason to beat children though is that it is exactly what God wants us to do. As Proverbs 13:24 states, "whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them". Simply put, if we really love our children we should beat them, its tough love. The same logic should also apply to anything we love, like our dogs, our friends and our spouses. 

Perhaps we can learn a lesson in tough love here from the newly elected Chair of the UN’s human rights council, Saudi Arabia. Officials there recently sentenced 17 year old Ali Mohamed Baqir al Nimr to death by crucifixion.  Yes, crucifixion. That’s real old school discipline right there. Apparently Ali Mohamed went about engaging in “pro-democracy “protests enticing people to join him using his black berry. Surely other Saudi teenagers will now learn not to go around causing trouble with their phones; as well as calling for democracy.

Crucifixion would be a great way to instill some discipline in Trinbagonian children. It would surely nail some sense into them. Unfortunately there would probably be outrage over it by the same bunch of pansies that are against corporal punishment or the death penalty. Maybe the next time people complain about child beatings, we should remind them how lucky children here have it. At least they aren’t being crucified.