Friday, August 19, 2016

Why I hate the Olympics

There is nothing I hate more in this world than the Olympic Games.  Sure, I know the world is filled with horrifying things, like terrorism, poverty, and Machel Montano’s new movie ‘Bazodee’. But even ‘Bazodee’ has a meaningful purpose; to test the threshold of psychological pain of those willing to sit through it. The Olympic Games on the other hand is nothing more than a bloated overcooked dish, coated in pompous ceremony, stuffed with political corruption and sprinkled with human growth hormone.  Every four years we are forced to swallow it in the name of national pride and sporting spirit. 

Dr. Rowley Under the Microscope

The recent scrutiny surrounding the health of Prime Minister Dr. Keith Rowley has raised some very important national questions. Like, should the public know the full condition of the Prime Minister’s health? How much privacy should he be expected to have? And has anyone heard any juicy gossip of what might be ailing him? Of course the Prime Minister hasn’t suggested he may be seriously ill, saying only that he is having a medical abroad before he embarks on his holiday. This sounds entirely reasonable. A little bit too reasonable. As all Trinbagonians know, sounding reasonable is a sure-fire way to tell that a politician is hiding something.

ISIS Career Guidance

This week we learned that nine Trinbagonians are being deported from Turkey, having been suspected of trying to join ISIS. No doubt these men are in for a difficult time when they return. Their heads will be filled with puzzling questions, like, ‘What will I do now’? and ‘How will I fit in’?  and ‘wait a minute, just how many children does the Prime Minister have’? But it need not be like this. T&T actually offers many career options for failed ISIS fighters. If you’re one of those who are disappointed you can no longer fulfill your dreams of adventure, excitement and religiously inspired madness, here are some great local jobs that will help you reintegrate into Trinbagonian society.