Saturday, July 22, 2017

What’s in a Name ?

We all know that beauty pageants play an important role in inspiring young girls to believe in themselves and their ability to change the world for the better.  Provided of course they are not fat and ugly. That’s why most Trinbagonians were pleased this week to learn that Queen Street in Port of Spain is to be renamed Janelle Commissiong Street. Janelle Commissiong as we all know is the first Trinbagonian and the first black woman to win the Miss Universe title, back in 1977. In a statement, acting Mayor of Port of Spain, Hillan Morean said the city corporation was proud of “Queen Penny” and that they had initially took this decision in 1978, but due to the traffic problem in the city it took 40 years trying to find a parking spot downtown so they could change the sign. 

Friday, July 21, 2017

My advice to SEA graduates

To the graduating SEA class of 2017, I say ‘congratulations’. Like many Trinbagonains before you, you have made the journey from primary school to secondary school. This adolescent rite of passage has seen many time honored traditions played out. Like taking extra lessons out of the fear of failure. Dealing with anxiety attacks knowing your whole future is riding on one exam. And feeling like a loser because you didn’t pass for the school of your choice.
When I look at you all I am reminded of myself. I too was once a young, 11 year old eagerly looking forward to my first day of form one.  Full of optimism and hope for the future. Before the cold harsh reality of the world crushed my spirit. I would like to impart some advice to you. It’s the kind of advice I wish I had when I was your age. Listen carefully.

Friday, July 7, 2017

Etiquette for community leaders

As a columnist I get emails from readers asking for my advice. Like how to not get abducted by aliens. Or where can you buy urine to pass a drug test? Or how to evade Courts when they come to repossess your bed?  But this week I got an email I actually care to reply to. It reads: “Dear Darryn, I am a poor community leader who runs a humble multimillion dollar construction company. I have been invited to a swearing in ceremony for a Government Minister at President’s House. I’m not used to high society. I mostly socialize with people who will stab you in your chest as opposed to your back .Can you please give me some tips on how to act? Many thanks, C. Biggs.”

Friday, June 30, 2017

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner

If you’re like me, you were disgusted by what you saw in Anthony Bourdain’s show ‘Parts Unknown’, featuring Trinidad and Tobago. Some twisted person took Anthony Bourdain for UWEE Doubles. Why didn’t they take him for roti by Hott Shoppe while they were at it? Or go looking for aloo pies at Adam’s Bagels? It seems most people are busy being outraged by comments made by Mario Sabga-Aboud. Mr. Aboud had the temerity to tell Mr. Bourdain over dinner that Syrians, despite being a racial minority, were the “most powerful” group of people in the country. A statement that would surprise any Trinbagonian, who is currently living on Mars.  

Friday, June 23, 2017

Cabinet’s Disaster Meeting

As tropical storm Bret began to bear down across the country last Monday evening, the organization the nation turns to for guidance in a time of crisis took a bold decision; KFC was going to close early. Which is the second highest disaster warning there is. The first being cancelling the Lotto draw. Members of Cabinet also held a special meeting. Via our source known only as ‘Sore Throat’, the Trinidad Express has received a full transcript. It is as follows:

Friday, June 16, 2017

A Church Robbery

Like most Trinbagonians I was shocked and appalled this week when I heard that Father Clyde Harvey was tied up and robbed at his church in Belmont.  Of course stories about priests being ‘rubbed in church’ are not new. But those rubbings usually just involve stolen childhoods and priests getting away unharmed. This was different. It made the whole nation pause and wonder aloud: "If God could allow a man who doesn’t drink, have premarital sex or spend all his money playing the fruit machines in rum shops, to get robbed; what horrors is he going to let happen to me?"

Friday, June 9, 2017

The PM’s shameful attack on Luis Almagro

Trinbagonian politicians have a proud record of disgracing themselves. Whether it’s through acts of corruption, incompetence or possessing  Faris Al-Rawi’s fashion sense. But the bar surely dropped to a new low last week when, on his return from Chile, Prime Minister Dr. Keith Rowley called for the Secretary General of the Organisation of American States (OAS), Luis Almagro to resign.

Mr. Almargo had evidently upset Dr. Rowley’s favorite dance partner, Venezuelan President Nicolaus Maduro. His great insult was expressing concern over the violent civil unrest, and crackdown on political dissent taking place in Venezuela. An act Dr. Rowley blasted as “derogatory”.  Because in Maduro’s Venezuela the word ‘democracy’ now means “your mudder  @#$.”