Friday, November 27, 2015

The Boodan Economic Model

Trinidad and Tobago currently has to ask itself some tough questions. And it’s not just whether the Lotto is rigged. You see, thanks to an oversupply of oil on the world market, prices have plunged and the energy sector, the backbone of our economy, is faltering. A recession is defined as three consecutive quarters of economic decline. We have already had two so far. And as sure as the lotto is rigged you can bet we will have a third.  

Now I am no economist or expert on fiscal policy or capable of doing basic arithmetic but those things don’t stop socialists or politicians. So I want to propose my own economic strategy that I am sure will help us avert a national financial crisis. Here are the basic tenets of the Boodan economic model.  

Develop New Revenue Streams
Given that revenue from the energy sector has fallen almost 50% we need to focus on other avenues of revenue generation. The Boodan economic model is centered on three key areas; they are – buying Play Whe tickets (because they can’t rig your dreams), looking for spare change in the pair of jeans you wore last week and burning money drawing incense.  

Money drawing incense in particular is a great way to make more money, as according to the man outside City Gate who sells them to me, "the more you burn the more you earn."

Diversify the Economy
As it stands, the energy sector accounts for 80% of our export earnings, with the other 20% divided between ISIS recruits, disgruntled Miss World pageant contestants and 'tins of juice'.

Ideally, T&T should have been developing its information and communication technology sector, producing more people developing computer code and software applications. Instead, we mastered the art of surfing Facebook and using Whatsapp.

Consequently, the Boodan economic model will focus on monetizing the only commodity we currently excel at making- viral videos of people, toddlers, or school children either fighting or getting viciously beaten.

In tough economic times we need to tighten our belts; meaning cutting back on all unnecessary spending. Under the Boodan economic model citizens will be asked to make cuts on everything that is a complete waste of money-like cable TV subscriptions, gluten free food and gender studies degrees.

The state can save money by selling off assets that are no longer profitable or useful, such as Petrotrin, CNMG and the Police Service. The state can also further save money renting out the space we are not using, like the buildings of the Magnificent seven, the Red House and wherever the integrity commission is headquartered. 

Investing in our Natural environment
We all know that T&T‘s real beauty lies in the abundance of wildlife present on our islands. They are not just beautiful and fascinating; they are also pretty delicious .They represent a valuable natural resource that can attract foreign visitors who want to kill defenseless animals.
There are already lots of local people hunting these animals down, all we have to do is to sell safari like tours to foreigners who want to experience the thrill of mercilessly tracking and killing a much smaller animal desperately trying to flee for its life. Plus you can get to eat it while having a river lime afterwards.

Of course any economic model has to have a Tax plan. The Boodan Economic Tax plan is pretty simple and straightforward. It proposes taxing only those who make more money than Darryn Boodan. This should cover a significant percentage of the population. Probably including the guy I buy my money drawing incense from. 

So in conclusion I urgently call on the Minister of Finance Colm Imbert to take the Boodan economic model under serious consideration. These are difficult times and its calls for new and innovative thinking. And besides I am not sure the government has any better ideas. 

No comments: