Dear God, whether you go by any of the many
names Trinbagonians call you; Jesus, Shiva, Allah or Lionel
Messi, I am praying to you to help stop the violent crime epidemic
plaguing Trinidad and Tobago. I know you are a Trini at heart. Which may
explain why you allowed crime to spiral out of control and have done
little to fix it, despite our constant pleas. It’s ok, as a fellow
Trini I understand. You’re probably on lunch and the lunch hour in heaven
must operate according to a different standard of time than it does on Earth.
Just like it does in the Passport Office.
Dear God, I know that it's important we help
ourselves first. That’s why I am also praying for the Prime
Minister’s new crime plan to be successful. As you know, Dr. Rowley
addressed the nation last Sunday, outlining his new crime
initiatives, and talking about his first year in Government. I found his
speech rather inspiring. He reminded us that as bad as things are, we
should be thankful they are not worse. Which is why he sounded like a
man celebrating his wedding anniversary by reminding his wife
how her how her last husband used to beat her.
God, according to Dr. Rowley, Trinidad and Tobago has
spent TT $25 billion over the last five years in the fight against
crime, with little progress to show for it. That’s why he’s implementing a
bold new strategy; he’s going to spend US $17.5
million more.
This new spending, Dr. Rowley says, will go
towards boosting police intelligence gathering. Please help him
God. Because judging by the current levels of
intelligence in the police service, boosting it, or
just getting it off the ground may require the multibillion dollar
budget of NASA. As the police utilize all their new
expensive equipment, please watch over them God, lest the devil
tempts them to buy Starbucks and thus waste foreign exchange.
Please God, I beg you to finally allow the appointment of
a Police Commissioner. As you know, Superintendent Stephen Williams
has been the acting Police Commissioner since 2013. In that time he’s
given an acting performance worthy of being in the movie
'Bazodee'. God, I don’t have to tell you how important the role of a
Police Commissioner is. It requires a special man or
woman possessing the courage and strength to consistently
hold press conferences, and say that the police have
no leads, while confidently mispronouncing words.
Most of all God please open the eyes of my fellow citizens
and make them see that in order to stop crime we need to go back
to the principles of the good ole days. Like teaching children
about your love by praying with them. And mercilessly beating
them if they refuse. God, make people understand that crimes must be
punished and we need to enforce the death penalty. Hangings, though
are not good enough. We need something more brutal. Like
the guillotine. Or being boiled with oil. Or having to go on a
CIROC boat party cruise. Criminals will surely think twice when they
see that as punishment, they must fight in a muddy carpark
while dressed in white.
Please God, make us as a nation immune to the voices
of the devil. Those voices that say, it’s scientifically proven that the death
penalty doesn’t work, or that corporal punishment retards
children's IQ’s. Or that praying to God to stop crime
is about as effective as praying a soca song doesn’t have the lyrics
"jump” or “wine” in it.
Those evil voices that also say that
we should decriminalize marijuana;
use drug treatment centres over incarceration,
focus on rehabilitation of convicts, stop all Government 'make work'
projects which funnel money to gangs, and implement new management
methods like COMPSAT, which aids police departments in the
US with statistics and productivity measurements.
Sure, countries which do all these things have far
less crime than us. But they also have less religious
minded people.
And as you said God, "What does it profit a man
to gain a crime free country if he loses the ability to get government
contracts or pay me tithes?" God bless T&T.
Amen
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