Saturday, November 5, 2016

What if Trump wins?

For most Americans, major decisions usually involves whether or not to supersize your happy meal, choosing between Ruby Tuesday’s or TGI Friday’s and which wrestler to support at ‘WCW Summer Slam’.  But next week Tuesday, Americans have a really tough decision to make; choosing between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump to be President. Though Clinton has the edge in the polls, a Trump victory shouldn’t be ruled out. After all stranger things have happened this year; like the UK voting for Brexit, Columbia voting against a peace deal with the FARC rebels and most shockingly  the West Indies winning a test match against Pakistan.

Here are some of my predictions that await the world if Donald Trump becomes President:

The Trump Wall is built
After pushing his landmark ‘Bad Hombre’ Bill through congress, Trump gets the go ahead to build his 2000 mile wall along the southern US border. Confusion initially surrounds the project as critics wonder who will be able to build this massive structure. But Trump allays everyone’s fears, by calling new T&T Transport and Works Minister Rohan Sinnanan, who has a few friends in construction. 

Designed by Trump himself, the Trump Wall is Gold plated, with mirrors and a barbwire fence made of real Mexican teeth. The Trump Wall guards having had their uniforms designed by Mas Man Brian Macfarlane are all dressed as sexy colonial house boy slaves,

Gay Marriage becomes illegal
After Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg and Justice John Roberts are
killed while vacationing in Trinidad and Tobago, two positions open up on the US Supreme court.  Trump is successful in appointing the two brightest nominees he knows; Pastor Clive Dottin and Master Artist Leory Clarke . Both Justices Dottin and Clarke swing the court’s vote in the land mark case “Jesus vs Battyman”; repealing gay marriage.

Meanwhile in Trinidad and Tobago the police say they have no leads on the murders of Ginsberg and Roberts but they suspect the perpetrator never read the Bible.  

The Economy Crumbles
After Trump makes good on his promise to deport 11 million undocumented workers, Americans wake up the next day in horror; they now need to cut their own lawn, babysit their own children  and make their own tacos. Coupled with a labour shortage, Trump’s promise of imposing trade tariffs on China causes massive price increases and shortages on basic goods.  All causing the economy to crumble.
This prompts Movement of Social Justice leader David Abdullah to hail Trump as an economic genius, just as he has with Nicolaus Maduro and Fidel Castro. Though Abdullah warns Trump that America won’t be as great as Cuba and Venezuela as long as Americans still have access to toilet paper.

Civil liberties are curtailed
On his first day as President Trump outlaws all media except for the only newspaper to endorse him – The National Enquirer. On his second day as President, Trump signs the ‘Inshan Ishmael’ bill into law.

This law named after the brave civil rights leader Inshan Ishmael , gives President Trump the power to fire anyone that writes anything he doesn’t like. This includes all mentions of his hair, his skin tone and demands for him to release his taxes. Under the ‘Inshan Ishmael ‘law, anyone who writes articles  about President Trump on his holy day- his birthday- can face the death penalty after  being called up and harangued over the phone

Everyone goes to Trump U
Trump bans all Universities in America except for Trump University. At Trump University students master all the ideas they need to survive in a Trump world; like 911 conspiracy theories, the history of the illuminate, and who photo-shopped Obama’s birth certificate.  Trump University recognizes UWI as a like-minded institution.   There is much local pride when Trump U appoints former Senator Sarah Budhu as ‘Professor of Aristole philosophy’

Beauty Pageant diplomacy 
Trump abolishes the state department and appoints Miss USA as Ambassador to the United Nations. Saying who better to talk about ‘world peace’ than a beauty pageant contestant. Other nations follow suit, appointing their own Miss World’s to the UN. Things go well at first, with the UN approving a motion that all the world’s problems are men’s fault.
However USA, China, and India, team up to launch nuclear missiles at Russia, accusing her of spreading rumors behind their back. Thus plunging the world into a nuclear holocaust.

God help us all next week.

No comments: