For most Americans, major decisions usually involves whether or
not to supersize your happy meal, choosing between Ruby Tuesday’s or TGI
Friday’s and which wrestler to support at ‘WCW Summer Slam’. But next week Tuesday, Americans have a
really tough decision to make; choosing between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump
to be President. Though Clinton has the edge in the polls, a Trump victory
shouldn’t be ruled out. After all stranger things have happened this year; like
the UK voting for Brexit, Columbia voting against a peace deal with the FARC rebels
and most shockingly the West Indies
winning a test match against Pakistan.
Here are some of my predictions that await the world if Donald
Trump becomes President:
The Trump Wall is built
After pushing his landmark ‘Bad Hombre’ Bill through congress,
Trump gets the go ahead to build his 2000 mile wall along the southern US
border. Confusion initially surrounds the project as critics wonder who will be
able to build this massive structure. But Trump allays everyone’s fears, by calling
new T&T Transport and Works Minister Rohan Sinnanan, who has a few friends
in construction.
Designed by Trump himself, the Trump Wall is Gold plated, with mirrors
and a barbwire fence made of real Mexican teeth. The Trump Wall guards having
had their uniforms designed by Mas Man Brian Macfarlane are all dressed as sexy
colonial house boy slaves,
Gay Marriage becomes illegal
After Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg and Justice John Roberts are
killed while vacationing in Trinidad and Tobago, two positions
open up on the US Supreme court. Trump is
successful in appointing the two brightest nominees he knows; Pastor Clive
Dottin and Master Artist Leory Clarke . Both Justices Dottin and Clarke swing
the court’s vote in the land mark case “Jesus vs Battyman”; repealing gay
marriage.
Meanwhile in Trinidad and Tobago the police say they have no
leads on the murders of Ginsberg and Roberts but they suspect the perpetrator
never read the Bible.
The Economy Crumbles
After Trump makes good on his promise to deport 11 million undocumented
workers, Americans wake up the next day in horror; they now need to cut their
own lawn, babysit their own children and
make their own tacos. Coupled with a labour shortage, Trump’s promise of
imposing trade tariffs on China causes massive price increases and shortages on
basic goods. All causing the economy to
crumble.
This prompts Movement of Social Justice leader David Abdullah to
hail Trump as an economic genius, just as he has with Nicolaus Maduro and Fidel
Castro. Though Abdullah warns Trump that America won’t be as great as Cuba and
Venezuela as long as Americans still have access to toilet paper.
Civil liberties are curtailed
On his first day as President Trump outlaws all media except for
the only newspaper to endorse him – The National Enquirer. On his second day as
President, Trump signs the ‘Inshan Ishmael’ bill into law.
This law named after the brave civil rights leader Inshan
Ishmael , gives President Trump the power to fire anyone that writes anything
he doesn’t like. This includes all mentions of his hair, his skin tone and
demands for him to release his taxes. Under the ‘Inshan Ishmael ‘law, anyone
who writes articles about President
Trump on his holy day- his birthday- can face the death penalty after being called up and harangued over the phone
Everyone goes to Trump U
Trump bans all Universities in America except for Trump
University. At Trump University students master all the ideas they need to
survive in a Trump world; like 911 conspiracy theories, the history of the
illuminate, and who photo-shopped Obama’s birth certificate. Trump University recognizes UWI as a
like-minded institution. There is much
local pride when Trump U appoints former Senator Sarah Budhu as ‘Professor of
Aristole philosophy’
Beauty Pageant diplomacy
Trump abolishes the state department and appoints Miss USA as
Ambassador to the United Nations. Saying who better to talk about ‘world peace’
than a beauty pageant contestant. Other nations follow suit, appointing their
own Miss World’s to the UN. Things go well at first, with the UN approving a
motion that all the world’s problems are men’s fault.
However USA, China, and India, team up to launch nuclear
missiles at Russia, accusing her of spreading rumors behind their back. Thus
plunging the world into a nuclear holocaust.
God help us all next week.
No comments:
Post a Comment