How to curry an Ibis

 The Ministry of Community Development, Culture and the Arts have declared August ‘National Patriotism Month’. And what better way to celebrate than to head to the river for a cookout lime with friends and family. Engaging in those two great Trinbagonian pastimes; heart disease and the senseless destruction of nature. But why not make your river lime extra special this year. Instead of the usual menu of curry duck seasoned in White Oak, try some curry Scarlet Ibis. There is no better way to demonstrate your love for your country than by eating its protected national bird.  Plus, the Scarlet Ibis is 100% organic and gluten free. 

 

Here is Darryn’s official Curry Scarlet Ibis recipe:

 Step 1. Find a Scarlet Ibis

In days gone by the Caroni Bird Sanctuary was a virtual Scarlet Ibis supermarket. However, according to sanctuary tour operators, the numbers of these delicious creatures have severely dwindled.  Leaving tourists with nothing to look at except the majestic car parts dealers who have nestled on the edges of the Caroni Swamp. Fortunately there are generous souls who tirelessly seek out what remaining Ibis are left and shoot them in the head.  Simply ask your clandestine neighbourhood wild meat provider if he knows anybody who might know anybody who selling them. Alternatively you can hunt the Scarlet Ibis yourself. All you need is a gun, a map of the Caroni Swamp and a really small penis.

Step 2. Season your Scarlet Ibis 

First, remove all the feathers of your Scarlet Ibis. Here's a quick tip; don’t just throw them away. Simply staple them to a bikini and presto; you’re a carnival band costume designer. Now chop the head off, trust me you don’t want the dead, vacuous eyes of a Scarlet Ibis staring up at you.  After you have finished cutting up the meat, wash it using lemon juice. This will help kill bacteria as well as mask the fresh smell of shame filling the room. Add a dash of salt and black pepper. Now grind up some coral sourced from the Buccoo Reef and season generously all over.  To really bring out that rich scarlet flavor baste the meat with the blood of a leather back turtle. If you can’t get the blood of a leather back turtle; the blood of a howler monkey will do fine. A good rule to follow in the world of Scarlet Ibis cookery is that the more people plead with you to please don’t kill and eat something, the more flavor it probably has.

Step 3. Cook in pot for 60 minutes 

Put your Scarlet Ibis to gently cook in a pot heated to 75 degrees. Which also happens to be the highest number the typical Scarlet Ibis connoisseur can count up too. While you’re waiting for your meat to cook, starting getting all the other elements of your meal together. Like your roti, your bottle of rum, and of course your Kanchan and Babala CD. If you’ve already done this, why not do some chores.  Now might be a good time to stop procrastinating and finally dump that old fridge in the river.  Or maybe just burn some car tyres in your backyard. You’ll know when your meat has finished cooking from the strong smell of curry and a failed education system wafting through the air. 

Step 4.  Serve with low IQ 

You Scarlet Ibis is now ready to eat. To fully enjoy the juicy goodness you’ll need a strong stomach and an exceptionally low IQ. In fact the lower your IQ is, the more your tastes buds will savor the Scarlet Ibis’ tangy flavor. Here are some quick ways to lower your IQ; watch Ian Alleyne, listen to talk radio, and read Prime Minister Keith Rowley’s comments regarding the Tobago ferry fiasco. 

As we celebrate both the Month of Patriotism and Independence this August, let’s bond as one people, in the name of curry and callously breaking the law. To paraphrase Marcia Miranda; neighbor bring out the Scarlet Ibis.