Friday, August 4, 2017

Stuart Young defends Maduro

Greetings Trinidad and Tobago. Regular columnist Darryn Boodan is off today. He’s in court over an alleged zaboca theft. I am Minister Stuart Young. You may know me as a Minister in the Ministry of Legal Affairs.  Or as a Minister in the Office of the Prime Minister. Or simply as that guy who follows Dr. Rowley around everywhere and sycophantically repeats everything he says. I would like to talk about a very serious issue; the crisis in Venezuela. As you know, we in T&T have a saying, “When your neighbor’s house on fire, wet your own”.  And we in the PNM have another saying, “When your neighbor is a brutal despot; perform some mental gymnastics to rationalize doing business with him.”

First of all, I want to stress that Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro is the democratically elected leader of Venezuela. And as I have told the media the government won’t allow anyone to railroad him. Not Venezuelan opposition parties. Not Organization of American States (OAS) Secretary General Luis Almagro. And certainly not Smartmatic, the software company who provided the voting systems for Venezuela’s recent elections for a National Constituent Assembly; and who said, “We know without doubt that the turnout…was manipulated.”  I for one don’t trust computers. As I have had to explain to the I.T. manager at work, sometimes when I’m innocently browsing the news on my computer, I mysteriously get redirected to This is obviously the work of UNC hackers.

Just as I joined Dr. Rowley in condemning OAS Secretary General Luis Almagro for his insulting remarks about President Maduro being a dictator, I now want to call for the resignation of UN Human Rights Chief Zeid Ra’ad Al Hussein. Mr. Al Hussein has made some offensive statements suggesting that Opposition leaders Leopoldo Lopez and Antonio Ledezma had their human rights violated. Just because President Maduro had them arrested in the middle of the night and thrown in jail this week. Well boo-hoo. Politics is a tough business. And as my grandmother used to say, “If you can’t stand the heat then get out of the kitchen”. Or as the late Fidel Castro put it, “If you can’t stand a government firing squad; don’t run against the Government in an election”. I want to tell Mr. Al Hussein that just because a person has some fancy title in something, doesn’t automatically make them knowledgeable  about it. Just look at me. I have two Ministerial portfolios and neither I nor anyone else can figure out what it is I do. 

As you are aware, the Unites States has frozen the assets of President Maduro and there may be economic sanctions to come. This is typical of the United States. They always try to undermine any country that is brave to stand up to American capitalism; by unfairly taking away access to American Capitalism.  The crisis in Venezuela is not due to President Maduro’s brilliant socialist policies like price controls, or printing money, or repressing free speech and dissenting voices, or seizing private property or arming Cuban gangs to patrol the streets or using state oil company PDVSA as his personal bank. No, it’s clearly the work of the CIA. I know that because I saw a 5 minute YouTube video showing that, along with Jay Z’s role in the Illuminati. I’m not saying that aliens are stealing all of Venezuela’s toilet paper. But aliens are stealing all of Venezuela’s toilet paper!

I know many of you may be concerned about how the current crisis is affecting T&T’s lucrative  $50M fund where we supply Venezuela with basic food items that are certainly not going straight to President Maduro or his cronies. Well, Venezuela has no foreign currency right now. But we have worked out a deal where we can exchange food for President Maduro’s secret arepas recipe. As for the Loran Manatee cross border natural gas deal, that’s hit a few delays. President Maduro has been busy with domestic issues, like food shortages, internal politics and protestors who keep getting run over by tanks. I am sure he will smoothen this all out soon. He’s gotten some new armored tanks. 

Remember that despite what the United States, or the United Nations or protestors crying in unison say; President Maduro is our neighbour. And sure, we can hear the voices of people screaming in terror next door. But we shouldn’t mind our neighbours’ business. Especially if it affects us doing business with them. 

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