Imaginary PMQ’s

Last week, I imagined conducting an interview with the Prime Minister at the cabinet retreat being held at the posh Magdelena Resort in Tobago. I had to imagine it because the Express refused to pay for my ticket and accommodation there. I figured Dr. Rowley wouldn't mind and if I emailed it to myself and printed it out, he might even think it really happened. Anyway here’s how I imagined it.

Darryn:                     Prime Minister what is the purpose of this cabinet retreat?

Dr. Rowley:              Well Darryn, this retreat is about discussing the mid year budget review, payments to public servants and prioritizing government business. All serious issues we intend to address in the buffet line at Terrance Deyalsingh’s daughter’s wedding reception.

Darryn:                     Sir how do you respond to critics who say you seem to have spent the past 6 months mostly playing golf and attending weddings?

Dr. Rowley:              That’s nonsense. I had long standing commitments I had to fulfill. Believe me if I knew I was actually going to win the general election I would have canceled them! I think in the past 6 months we have made tremendous progress!

Darryn:                     In what way?

Dr. Rowley:              Well my golf handicap has improved from a 14 to a 10. And I’ve really learned to grip my putter more effectively

Darryn:                     Well its not been all smooth sailing has it Sir? For example ‘Fixin T&T’ has called for Minister Marlene McDonald to be removed saying there is reason to believe she helped her partner get an HDC house.

Dr. Rowley:              That’s completely untrue Darryn. The Minster merely inquired about the status of the application. Its possible given what her previous job involved, this was interpreted differently.

Darryn:                     What did her previous job involve?

Dr. Rowley:              Imprisoning Han Solo and Princess Leia in her palace on the Planet Tatooine. Jedi mind tricks don’t work on Minister McDonald Darryn.

Darryn:                     Of course Sir, there’s also the controversy involving Minster Camille Robinson-Regis and the large cash deposit she made at First Citizens bank

Dr. Rowley:              Oh Please! Is depositing  $ 93, 000 in cash in a bank against the law now? I mean apart from possibly anti money laundering laws. Look the Minister did nothing wrong.

Darryn:                     Aren’t you at least curious as to why a government Minister was walking around with $93, 000 in cash?

Dr. Rowley:              Darryn do you know how much for a doubles now, $5! Between buying doubles, buying gas, and going to Movietowne’s new VIP section, you could easily blow through 100 grand flat. This is not investigative journalism by the Trinidad Express, its persecution!

Darryn:                     Well Sir those two things can be subjective depending on your bias.

Dr. Rowley:              No it’s not! It’s really simple. Investigative journalism is when journalists uncover UNC wrongdoings. When its possible PNM wrongdoings, its persecution!

Darryn:                     Do you think First Citizens violated Minister Robinson-Regis’s privacy?

Dr. Rowley:              Yes they obviously have! Now I’m not saying they are a bad bank. I have a credit card there, which I use to buy my wife underwear. But they are a state bank and Cabinet is considering renaming them ‘First to Maco Bank.’

Darryn:                     Sir the big issue on everyone’s mind is the Economy. The Oil price is falling and people are losing their jobs. Has your Government formulated a plan for the economy?

Dr. Rowley:              Yes we have. We need to diversify the economy. That’s why we bought those Cazabon paintings. Art is always a good investment. Especially art with fancy French names. We are also opening an ebay account to sell things we don’t use, like national medals and we’re finishing the Brian Lara stadium.  Once completed it will hold cooler fetes. Of course my masterstroke was appointing Colm Imbert as Minister of Finance.

Darryn:                     Because Minister Imbert is a brilliant economist?

Dr. Rowley:              No because people will blame him and not me if things don’t improve.

Darryn:                     Are you confident your government will be able to maintain public trust to deal with these issues?

Dr. Rowley:              Absolutely. I’m certain that any incompetent decisions we make can be equally matched with examples of opposition incompetence thereby canceling each other out and maintaining the public’s low expectations. 

Darryn:                     Well thank you for speaking to me Sir. I hope to see you again in 6 months.

Dr. Rowley:              No Problem. Though the next cabinet retreat is going to be held at Harry’s Water Park. And this is just a coincidence but the Minister of National Security is having a wild meat lime there on the same day.

Darryn:                     I can’t imagine missing that Sir.