Venezuelans Go Home!

Trinidad and Tobago is a land of opportunity. A land where a fat person can open a successful weight loss clinic. A land where you can make millions renting a building to the state that’s never occupied. A land where a foreign cruise ship can get half a million dollars in tax payers’ money without even docking here. Yes, sweet T&T is a place that makes dreams come true for those who believe in the ideas of hard work, perseverance and that a sucker is born every minute.

But our country and way of life is facing a threat from a group of people who are causing many Trinis anxiety and stress. And no, it’s not police with radar guns; it’s Venezuelan immigrants. As everyone knows, Venezuela is a socialist paradise, so naturally people are currently desperately fleeing it in search of food and toilet paper. It’s unclear just how many Venezuelans have arrived in T&T. And there is no evidence to suggest that they are flooding to our shores. But as any true Trini knows, a lack of evidence that a problem exists shouldn’t stop you from panicking about it.

Last week, Chaguanas Mayor Gopaul Boodhan said he was “bombarded” with calls from concerned residents worried about the social and economic impact an influx of Venezuelans would have on the Borough, as well as people wanting to know where exactly in Chaguanas is Dad’s Dan. Chaguanas residents have good reason to be concerned. God alone knows T&T has enough problems with those damn Chinese immigrants who come here, help build major infrastructural projects for low wages, and open shops and sell us things we need at competitive prices. It’s like they have no shame.

Chaguanas could now be plagued with a mass of people willing to do jobs nobody wants. Like shop assistants, fast food workers and being Mayor of Chaguanas. Thereby taking away jobs from Trinis who desperately need them right now, and who will get around to applying for them as soon as they are done playing ‘Call of Duty’ on PlayStation.

But embarrassing us with a strong work ethic isn’t the only thing Venezuelan immigrants are threatening us with. They are also bringing diseases. According to Siparia Regional Corporation (SRC), Leo Doodnath, Venezuelans pose a serious public health risk, as many may be infected with the Zika virus. The Zika virus is of course spread by mosquitoes, but not by the nice clean civilized mosquitoes we have here in T&T, but rather by dirty Venezuelan mosquitoes who have no compunction about who they bite.      

Of course the perfect example of the low morals and standards most Venezuelans have can be seen by the Venezuelan women coming over here to work in brothels as sex workers. These lecherous Venezuelan women have special satanic powers that brainwash Trini men, luring them into brothels and making them oblivious to the fact that they are paying them for sex. At least that’s what my uncle Shaian told my aunt when she caught him coming out of one.

Trinbagonians should not stand idly by and allow our country to tolerate prostitution. We should tell these Venezuelan women that if they insist on debasing themselves for money, at least do it in a dignified Trini way; become a member of parliament.

Of course Venezuelans are not the only ones trying to sneak in T&T. Recently tensions with Jamaica have intensified when a group of Jamaican nationals were barred at the airport from entering the country earlier this year. The Jamaicans claim they were victimized and discriminated against. Evidently custom officials stamped “no woman no entry” in their passports.

This generated heated debate in Jamaica, with Jamaicans threating to boycott goods from T&T and with Trinbagonians threating to boycott Vybz Cartel in return. There is a perception in T&T that a large number of crimes are perpetrated by Jamaicans. Just like the supposed mass Venezuelan influx there is no real evidence for that, but there is no harm in believing it.

Despite all of this, there is one thing T&T can be proud off; treating immigrants with disdain is usually something only well off countries do.