Friday, May 26, 2017

Dr. Rowley grills Darryl Smith

Minster of Sport Darryl Smith has been accused of going on a spending splurge on a recent trip with Ministry officials to Tobago. With a whopping bill of $92,000 for a weekend, Dr. Rowley has ordered a full report into the matter. The Trinidad Express has received exclusive access to the transcript of the conversation between the Prime Minister and Minister Smith. It’s most likely entirely made up; but here it is anyway:

Dr. Rowley:                          Minister Smith I’d like you to explain this weekend trip to Tobago that cost $92,000.

Darryl Smith:                       First of all, Prime Minster, as Minister of Sport I accept full responsibility. Secondly, this was all the Permanent Secretary Natasha Barrow’s fault. All I told her was that we need to go to Tobago to attend the THA’s Sport Awards. I never tell her book rooms for everybody at the Magdalena Grand Resort! Or rent four cars! Or invite the sexy lady from the communications unit!

Dr. Rowley:                          Minister did you really need to take 11 people with you? The THA Sport Awards is a minor event and it only had 12 awardees. 

Darryl Smith:                       We did it for the kids Sir. I’m sure they appreciated that so many people from the Ministry made the sacrifice to spend the weekend in an all-inclusive luxury resort to cheer them on for an hour.  $92,000 is a small price to pay for that joy Sir. Plus, it’ll make it easier later on when we have to tell them we have no funds to give them.

Dr. Rowley:                          But what did you spend all this money on? And before you answer, remember I’m an expert on how much vacations cost!

Darryl Smith:                       Well sir a lot of little things added up.  Accommodation, food, and especially drinks at Shade nightclub not cheap. Plus, I’ll admit Sir; some of us over did it with the Bene Balls and Toolum. I told everyone not to buy those things at the airport. They dig out your eye there, but people didn’t listen.

Dr. Rowley:                          Minister you said your staff had a site visit to the Dwight Yorke Stadium. Did you actually attend that site visit?

Darryl Smith:                       No sir, I was busy in other meetings. Ministry officials went in my place and you’ll be pleased to know that the Dwight Yorke Stadium is in tip top condition. The maintenance crew got out all the graffiti saying “Dwight is a wanker” his ex-wife Jordon spray painted everywhere.  

Dr. Rowley:                          What were your other meetings Minister Smith?

Darryl Smith:                       Well Sir, I was meeting with business owners. First I had a breakfast meeting with the owner of this place that serves pancakes near the airport. Then I had a lunch meeting with some curry crab and dumping sellers. Then I had a dessert meeting with this guy who sells homemade ice cream in Scarborough.  Then I had a dinner meeting back at the Magdalena. Then I had a late night snack meeting in the hotel lounge. It was a gruelling but tasty day.

Dr. Rowley:                          I‘ll be frank with you Minister.  There are suspicions that this trip was actually a weekend getaway with a colleague that you’re in a romantic relationship with.

Darryl Smith:                       That’s ridiculous!  I am just doing my job! You are listening to people who feel their job is to spread news about me!

Dr. Rowley:                          You mean Journalists?

Darryl Smith:                       Yeah.  Them self! There is no relationship going on.

D. Rowley:                            Why is there a picture of you with your hand on the person in question’s buttocks?

Darryl Smith:                       That was just my way of letting her know she’s doing a good job. I gently caress the buttocks of all my staff to let them know I appreciate their hard work. It’s….soothing!

Dr. Rowley:                          You know having a relationship with someone in your ministry would be highly inappropriate right?

Darryl Smith:                       Yes of course. (Cough) Pot. (Cough). Kettle. (Cough.) Black. (Cough) Excuse me.

Dr. Rowley:                          Well Minister Smith from everything you’ve told me, I can only draw one conclusion; you’re the victim of an Opposition plot to sabotage the THA Sports Awards.

Darryl Smith:                       Really? You don’t think that’s kinda far-fetched?

Dr. Rowley:                          No. Haven’t you noticed how the Opposition is sabotaging everything? The inter-island ferry. The Property Tax fiasco. The food shortages in Tobago. Shamfa Cudjoe not knowing how wifi works-all the doing of the Opposition.

Darryl Smith:                       Don’t forget the Brian Lara stadium. It takes a lot to clog toilets. Trust me I know. 

Dr. Rowley;                          Plus Magdalena is government owned so you kept the money in the system. Which Minister Imbert told me makes sense.

Darryl Smith:                       Really?  Because I just said that out of desperation.

Dr. Rowley:                          Come here for a hug. You’re doing a good job Minister. Keep it up.

Darryl Smith:                       Prime Minister, are you caressing my buttocks?     

Dr. Rowley:                          Yes. How does it feel?

Darryl smith:                       Very soothing. 

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