Friday, June 23, 2017

Cabinet’s Disaster Meeting

As tropical storm Bret began to bear down across the country last Monday evening, the organization the nation turns to for guidance in a time of crisis took a bold decision; KFC was going to close early. Which is the second highest disaster warning there is. The first being cancelling the Lotto draw. Members of Cabinet also held a special meeting. Via our source known only as ‘Sore Throat’, the Trinidad Express has received a full transcript. It is as follows:

Dr. Rowley:                          Ministers, we’re here to discuss Tropical Storm Bret. As you know we have serious issues to consider. Flash flooding, loss of  homes and potential loss of life. I think we should start by reassuring the public that they don’t have a public holiday tomorrow and should stop being lazy and go out to work.

Stuart Young:                      Prime Minister I think we should hold a press conference telling people that there is no need to panic yet. They should at least wait until their roof blows off.

Dr. Rowley:                          Good idea Minister Young. You’re getting 2 stars in your copybook today!

Stuart Young:                      Yay!

Dr. Rowley:                          Minister Dillon what’s the latest news from the Office of Disaster Preparedness?

Edmond Dillon:                   Not good Prime Minister, they are dealing with unforeseen problems right now.

Dr. Rowley:                          New data from the storm?

Edmond Dillon:                   No Sir, their website crashed. They never catered for web traffic of more than 5 people.

Dr. Rowley:                          Does anyone have data on the severity of the storm?

Darryl Smith:                       I have Prime Minister. It’s not looking good. KFC isn’t delivering. Neither is Royal Castle, Mario’s, Pizza Hut or Papa Johns. You can’t even find a doubles man anywhere. It’s Armageddon!

Dr. Rowley:                          Are first responders ready?

Terrance Deyalsingh:        The health service is ready Prime Minister. Providing people don’t need CT Scans, lifesaving drugs or mind dying on the grass outside Mt Hope.

Edmond Dillon:                   The Police Service and Defense force are ready as well sir.

Clarence Rambharat:        I’m not a fan of the Police Service.

Edmond Dillon:                   Ways. Just so Hoss?

Clarence Rambharat:        Like I told the Senate this week, the Police Service is filled with pointless bureaucracy

Edmond Dillon:                   I agree, but I’m the National Security Minister, don’t say so it in front of me. You will like it if I bad talk agriculture in front of you? I hate Tilapia, it tastes disgusting. How does that feel? 

Faris Al-Rawi:                      I have concerns about the Defense Force. Are they trained to deal with the public? Like if someone says “no pictures”, will they understand? Because, God knows some of them don’t.

Dr. Rowley:                          In my press release I will remind the public not to expect the police to solve any crimes during the storm and remind the Defense Force not to give their weapons to children to pose with. Problem solved?

Anthony Garcia:                 Prime Minister I would like to have all schools closed.

Dr. Rowley:                          You mean closed just for tomorrow?

Anthony Garcia:                 No Prime Minister I mean closed forever. It impossible to teach these children. You can’t beat them anymore and you can’t even take away their recess now.

Dr. Rowley:                          What would all the children do then?

Rohan Sinanan:                  Prime Minister, we could use them to help repair the ferry to Tobago. Their little hands can get into places we can’t. And we can even tie some rope around them and have them tug it. Children are full of energy and very buoyant.

Dr. Rowley:                          And what about teachers, we can’t employ people to do nothing?

Franklin Khan:                     Well there’s always Petrotrin, Sir. According to Ancel Roget they always need people to help them do nothing.

Stuart Young:                      Prime Minister, Barrackpore may flood. You should go there. It will show you genuinely care and that you’re not out of touch.

Dr. Rowley:                          Excellent idea. We will all go. I’ll need some boots, a hazard vest and someone to give me directions to this place called …. Barrackpore. 

Darryl Smith:                       I know the way Sir. We should also stop by this place called Quan Kep. It’s a pork shop. They may need emergency supplies!

Dr. Rowley:                          Ok, are we all agreed that we are going to tell people to go to work, close down schools, use children to pull the ferry and tour Barrackpore? As well as stop by Quan Kep?

Everyone:                             Agreed!

Dr. Rowley:                          And do we all agree that as usual we not inviting Colm?

Everyone:                             Agreed!  

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