Trinbagonians are a simple people. We can live for months without frivolous things like a Commissioner of Police, forensic pathologists or disaster preparedness plans. But we are also a proud people. That’s why it’s a national disgrace that we have gone a full day without knowing who our Miss Universe Pageant contestant is. 28 year old Yvonne Clark was initially awarded the honor but has suddenly been stripped of her title, with local franchise holder Jenny Douglas accusing her of violating her contract. A replacement has yet to be named. It’s not clear what aspect of her contract Ms. Clark supposedly violated, but as the old saying goes; beauty pageant contract violations lie in the eyes of the franchise holder.
There is no telling what adverse effects this current crisis will have on the psyche of the nation. Beauty pageants have always been the main way we have boosted our national self-esteem. When the likes of Janelle ‘Penny’ Commissiong, Giselle LaRonde and Wendy Fitzwilliam all successfully brought home their respective crowns, we all raised our heads with pride. We could boast that Trini women are among the most beautiful in the world. And only ugly women worry about things like having access to safe abortions, quality pre-natal care and not wanting to be married off at 12 years old.
The longer we take to solve the Miss Universe crisis, the more in danger our girls are of thinking that beauty pageants are stupid wastes of time. Where will young girls now look to for inspiration for doing their make up, getting exfoliating tips, or writing books to their children which are actually thinly veiled, bitter attacks on their ex-husbands? Just yesterday, my 14 year old niece, Naya, told me that beauty pageants demean women and that "true beauty is on the inside". I looked her right in the eye and said; “Naya you’re becoming a beautiful girl, it's time you know that only ugly women say things like ‘true beauty is on the inside’. And only feminists hate beauty pageants because they are angry they can’t find a husband."
Of course we perhaps would not be in this crisis if we as a nation gave beauty pageants the serious attention they deserve. Take our neighbours Venezuela, for example. They have won six Miss Worlds, seven Miss Universes, six Miss Internationals and two Miss Earths. That kind of success is only possible through hard work, dedication, and lots and lots of plastic surgery. In 2013, Wi May Nava, a Miss Venezuela contestant, admitted that on top off having breast implants, dental work and a nose job, she also sewed a mesh onto her tongue to prevent her from eating solid foods. Now that’s ambition. But try telling that to our lazy girls here with their “need to eat to live” attitude.
In fact, the demand to become an international beauty queen is so high in Venezuela, that so called ‘Miss Factories’ exist. Here, girls are encouraged to get surgery, learn to catwalk and presumably attend ‘world peace’ classes. All of which sounds far more useful than anything they could learn at UWI.
According to activist Taylee Castelanos, “The dream of every girl in Venezuela is to be Miss Venezuela...(The Miss Factories) don’t promote natural women anymore. They are promoting women who are completely fake, who have had their whole bodies done.” You and I may say, “Well...that sounds excellent!” But Castelanos is part of a group of ugly women called ‘No to Biopolymers, Yes to Life’, which teaches young Venezuelan women about the dangers of silicone surgery. And I guess, try to wreck their dreams.
There is a sliver of hope for us though. Soca star Fay-Ann Lyons, who is also Ms. Clarke’s sponsor, has stepped in to help mediate discussions between Ms. Clarke and Ms. Douglas. And if it’s one thing Fay-Ann is famous for, apart from being married to Bunji Garlin; it’s calmly defusing drama before it escalates. No wait. I might be thinking of Florence Nightingale. In any case, we must hope and pray that this impasse is resolved soon and the Miss Universe seat does not stay vacant for long. Girls across our land are relying on us to reassure them that they can grow up to be anything they want to be; provided of course that they are really, really good looking.
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