Give a S*&T Kicker this Christmas

This Christmas give a gift that will last a lifetime. Or at least until the next general election. A S*&t Kicker! S*&t Kickers are the great new multipurpose boots that’s specially designed for every occasion. Whether you’re vacationing-yet again.  Or dancing with brutal Venezuelan dictators. Or just casually threatening your political opponents with violence on TV. S*&t Kicker boots will let you do it all with style, comfort, and a complete lack of shame.  Listen to what these satisfied customers are saying about their S*&t Kickers:

Keithos the golfer

As a serious golfer I don’t let anything affect my game. Not wet grass. Or mud. Or the need to lead cabinet in shaping effective public policy. That’s why I use S*&t Kickers. S*&t kickers let me simply kick away anything I don’t want to deal with. From questions I don’t like at press conferences to questionable ferry contracts and even to all the unsold copies of my book lying around my house. Plus, the ladies really love the look of a man wearing S*&t Kickers. Especially if that man can also give them a HDC house or make them an ambassador. Everyone is always impressed when I’m wearing my S*&t Kickers.  Anytime I walk by I hear them say “wow that guy really just doesn’t give a S*&t!”.

Avi the Oil Worker:

“Working in the oil industry you have dangers to constantly look out for. Like slippery platforms, hazardous spills and being investigated for fraudulently billing state owned oil refineries for millions of dollars for oil you never sold them. And when I was told I was being audited, I should have been quaking in my boots. But thanks to my S*&t Kickers I had the ability to put my foot down and tell my friend over the phone “look I didn’t fund your political campaign for nothing; you better get me out of this s*&t!  Two audits later, I’m still not in jail! All thanks to my S*&t Kickers! “

Tony the Child expert

“As a child your school days are special. You learn important life lessons. Like friendship, teamwork and how to properly kick the s*&t of of someone because they didn’t want to give you a dollar. That’s why I recommend kids wear S*&t Kickers. S*&t Kickers help kids fulfill that perfectly normal inclination to want to settle petty disputes using violence. Or compensate for a lack of parenteral care by viciously bullying a weaker classmate.  With S*&t Kickers special patented steel tips, there is no limit to who your child can kick and become.  A disgruntled police officer. Or maybe a community leader. Perhaps even a feckless Minister of Education!  Give your child the good kicking he or she needs.  With S*&t Kicker”.

Forrest, the Attorney General

As both a Politician and lawyer I’m used to stepping into a lot of s*&t. But I also need to talk a lot of s*&t as well. When I’m wearing my S*&t Kickers I have the confidence to say any s*&t that comes into my head. Like “It doesn’t matter if the emails are not real. It only matters if whether the emails have substance. Or “the government isn’t afraid to investigate itself”.  Or “I don’t know if vampires really live on the moon. I’m just saying the police need to investigate if they do”. Now that’s a load of S*&t you can only say with the confidence that wearing a S*&t Kicker gives you! 

Roger the Union leader

As a proud defender of the Proletariat I like to stomp on anything that doesn’t pay me union fees. That’s why I am calling on everyone to boycott all other footwear and only buy S*&t Kickers. As we know the 1 % likes to control what people walk around in.  But when you buy S*&t Kickers you are helping to support the local s*&t Kicking industry. Humble people like, race hustlers, Marxist crackpots at the UWI and politicians peddling racial slogans of eternal victimhood. Every S*&t Kicker is also hand stitched with the body hairs from the corpse of mighty commandant Fidel Castro. As well as glued together with the belly fat from Hugo Chavez. All making the ultimate in S*&t wearing  technology!

Give the gift that really kicks this Christmas-Give a S*&t kicker!

Act now and receive a free bonus gift: Pelting tea cups! –Make the perfect cup of tea and pelt someone with it!