Kamla, Bombs and Toilet Paper

This past week was dominated with election news, as voters exercised their democratic rights. Let’s look at the big electoral winners of the week.

 Kamla strikes back

She may have lost five straight elections, been mired in one controversy after another and could possibly have a charge for possession hanging over her, but Kamla Persad-Bissessar has shown that just like Charlie Sheen, she too still has legions of adoring fans who believe in her no matter what she does.  Last Saturday Mrs. Persad-Bissessar crushed her rivals to win reelection as leader of the UNC.  Of course this being a UNC election it was not without accusations of fraud and at least one threat of court action.

Mr. Roodal Moonial who ran against Mrs. Persad- Bissessar made accusations of vote rigging saying ballots indicating votes for him were found on the riverbank near the Pravati Girls Hindu College in Debe; presumably amongst One Direction and Justin Bieber posters.

The other contender Mr. Vasant Bharath voiced concerns regarding the electoral ink, saying it washed off so easily, they might as well have used fake sticker tattoos found in packets of chewing gum to mark voters.

Mrs. Persad-Bissessar maintains that the election was free and fair and that she is willing to work with Mr. Moonilal and Mr. Bharath, and by work with them, she means think of them fondly anytime she glances at the backbenches in Parliament or hears the word ‘Judas’. Some cynics have argued that the PNM loves the fact that Mrs. Persad-Bissessar won reelection, considering that they have defeated her 6 times already if you count the recent Arima and Tunapuna bye-elections.

Even so you have to admire Mrs. Persad-Bissessar, like the West Indies Cricket team, no matter how many humiliating defeats she suffers; she always manages to convince her supporters that the return to glory is just a game or court ruling away.

Viva La Toilet Paper!

The UNC weren’t the only ones having an election over the weekend. Last Sunday, our neighbours in the socialist paradise of Venezuela sent a resounding message across the world that they really like being able to use toilet paper. I am speaking of course of the Venezuelan Congressional elections, where for the first time in over a decade, Venezuela’s opposition parties, The Democratic Unity Coalition overwhelmingly defeated the ruling United Socialist Party of Venezuela. (PSUV)

PSUV is the party headed by President Nicolas Maduro and was founded by the late Hugo Chavez; the Charismatic psychopath who enthralled crackpots at UWI, trade unionists and bogus hunger strikers in T&T with his so-called socialist Bolivarian revolution. Supporters of the Bolivarian revolution claim it has eliminated economic inequality, class privilege and imperialism.

Most Venezuelans though feel all it has really done is eliminate food, democracy and toilet paper. Forget the socialist slogan “power to the people”, the only power Venezuela’s want now is the power to wipe their butts again.

Naturally President Maduro was disappointed with the election results. After all he devoted a lot of time to campaigning, spreading the message of socialism as well as jailing his opposition rivals.  Opposition politician, Luis Diaz was even shot dead days before the election, and if that couldn’t convince swing voters of the glory of the revolution then perhaps nothing would.

In light of his loss in congress, President Maduro has vowed to “radicalize “the Bolivarian revolution in time for the next general election. It will be a tough task considering that Venezuela already has sky high crime, the highest inflation in the world and a worthless currency. But one should never underestimate the ability of socialism to be even more “radical”.

War and Peace

The most controversial vote of the past two weeks though wasn’t an election but a Parliamentary vote in the British House of Commons.  By a margin of 524 to 42 British MPs voted in favor of launching airstrikes on ISIS controlled areas in Syria.  Critics of the vote argued that such airstrikes could potentially harm civilians. 

Those in favor countered by asking to which Syrian civilians were critics referring too-the ones currently being burnt alive, thrown off buildings or decapitated by ISIS lunatics? To which, said critics responded by muttering “ok point taken”. Of course that didn’t satisfy hippies, conspiracy theorists and apologists for terrorism.

Writing in his Sunday column, UWI lecturer Dylan Kerrigan suggested it was wrong for British MPs to blame “the individual” for becoming a terrorist. After all just because someone jumps on a plane, travels to Turkey, sneaks into Syria and joins a notorious terrorist group, doesn’t mean they are responsible for their actions. Capitalism, racism and the illuminati all made them do it. 

So congratulations to the winners of the past week and to the losers, I leave you with the wise words of Winston Churchill; “democracy is the worst form of government-except for all the others”.