A Housing Community for Minister Biswas

Chapter 1. Eat ah food

Two years before the general election of 2020, Randal. M. Biswas, Minister of housing and urban development let out a big stupes. Not the kind of stupes that one makes when a poor woman tells you she’s living  in the hospital and needs a house. But rather the kind when ungrateful members of the public get vex because the government decided to build a 500 unit apartment tower block on agricultural land in St Joseph.

“This land is for planting, it should be used for agriculture only,” pleaded Dan Sukraj, President of the T&T Farmers Club. “We can plant crops elsewhere in the country,” responded Minister Biswas, “you have to understand this soil is special.  It has a unique mineral called ‘marginal constituency’, we can’t waste it planting food when we could plant votes!” “I mean houses-plant houses!” he quickly added.

Chapter 2. Madman House

Madman House, otherwise known as Parliament, sat on the edge of the waterfront in Port of Spain. Its location  provided a lovely view of the Gulf of Paria as well as an easy escape route out  of the city anytime residents of East Port of Spain decided to riot. Madman House is where Minister Biswas and his friends would do battle with their fierce rivals, the Tulsis, led by Kamala Tulsi. 

“Minister Biswas, I hear allyuh planning to build a housing tower in St Joseph boy. I have to admit that clever. But allyuh held any consultations for that?” asked Kamala Tulsi. “Of course we did!” retorted Minister Biswas. “We held a meeting on the day everyone pays attention to  state housing policy; Carnival Friday”. “Go and tell your Party Leader I say that he’s nothing but a voter padder!” said an angry Kamala Tusli. “No he’s a cassava planter!” replied Minister Biswas.

Chapter 3.  Pundit Shortyeye

Anytime Minister Biswas needed guidance or clarity or advice on how to block people on Twitter, he visited his guru Pundit Shortyeye. Pundit Shorteye lived in the financial temple. “Come on in,” Pundit Shortyeye told Mr. Biswas. “Sit down, the place not falling apart, it only looking so,” he added. “Pundit, I come to ask you something. You sure we should be spending millions of dollars we don’t have building more houses when we in a recession? Especially as we still have hundreds of housing stock vacant and rotting away,” said Minister Biswas. Pundit Shortyeye gently stroked his chin, pondering Minister Biswas' academic and sterile question. After a minute, he broke his silence.

 “Minister Biswas, a Minister needs certain things; pens, a new X-trail, but more importantly, he needs people who will vote for him. And just like a Minister needs voters, so does a marginal constituency need a state housing scheme. So money is no option. Plus, it’s not even our personal money so who cares?” 

Minister Biswas felt those were wise words.

Chapter 4. Fake News

Soon after leaving Pundit Shortyeye’s office, he got a disturbing message. Two people on a morning radio show were going to talk about him. Minister Biswas flew into a rage and called his lawyer Poorandaye. “I won’t allow plebs from the public to treat me like I’m some kind of public servant. I need you to stop this show! ” Minister Biswas demanded.  “Maybe you should at least wait and hear what they say,” replied Poorandaye. “No! I need you to put out a letter alerting the nation about this radio show and warning these hosts to watch their mouths because I’ll be listening!” said Minister Biswas. “Yes, that will surely take attention away from you and this radio show. You’re a genius,” said Poorandaye.

 Oh how Minister Biswas wished all media could be like his favourite newspaper; the Trinidad Sentinel. Minister Biswas loved the Sentinel’s long flowing paragraphs, its thick font size and complete lack of interest in news. 

Chapter 5.  No going home 

Sometimes, Minister Biswas would sit and dream that he could live alone just being with the Trinidad Sentinel; not having to worry about housing planning permissions, elaborate schemes to win elections or simply if another reader of the Sentinel was planning to beat him up. But then he would get a text message from the Office of the Prime Minister reminding him to “always wear a condom”. And he would remember that this was the life he chose; the life of Minister. And there was no going home from that.