Dear Citizens of Trinidad and Tobago, regular columnist Darryn
Boodan is off today, he’s gone to do a photoshoot for a stranger he met on Facebook.
I am Tobago West MP and Minister of Tourism Shamfa Cudjoe. As you may be aware
there are slight delays affecting travel between Trinidad and Tobago on account
of bad weather and not having a ferry service.
As we eagerly await news from
Minister Imbert’s Twitter account about the arrival of the new ferry, I wanted to
share some thoughts from a film I recently saw, a wonderful and inspiring tale
about survival against the odds. It’s called Mad Max; Fury’s Road. There are
valuable lessons in it about self-sufficiency for both ordinary Tobagonians and
those being chased by a vicious motorcycle gang through a post-apocalyptic
world alike.
Here are some of my own
tips to become more self-sufficient:
Tip 1. Grow your own
food
We should be growing
all the food we need and not rely on fancy ferry’s to bring it to us. Why for
example can’t we make our own bread? All you need is flour and baking pans and
oil and yeast. And you can get all of those things in the grocery sometimes. I
love Nutella and recently planted a jar in my back yard, and can’t wait to reap
all the Nutella I want for free.
Some idiots who call themselves “economists” say that an
economy needs “specialization” meaning people who specialize in making certain
things. This helps boost production and efficiency and creates a surplus of
goods benefitting everyone. If everyone
had to make their own food these idiots say, we would all starve because it
would be vastly inefficient. But that just sounds like more fake news to me.
Tip 2 Develop an
entrepreneurial spirit
We as Tobagonians need to stop with this ‘gimme gimme’
attitude we have. We can’t expect the government to employ us, feed us or pay
our phone bills. That’s why we need to be more entrepreneurial and create our
own businesses. Creating a business is easy, all you need is an idea and access
to millions of tax payer dollars. Look at all the businesses the government
alone has helped to create in Tobago; CEPEP projects, hotel projects, a new
tourism company, the Airport renovation project. Why can’t the people of Tobago
stop being lazy and do like the government?
I know some ‘negative nancie’s’ are
going to say “oh but Shamfa what about the economic theory of ‘Crowding
out’-where government spending depresses private enterprise by distorting the
labour market and stifling innovation. Isn’t all this government spending
actually impeding the private sector in Tobago”? Well to that I say “Sorry I have
to switch my phone off they making me use prepaid now.”
Tip 3 Build an
underground Bunker
You might think underground bunkers are just for conspiracy
theorists, the zombie apocalypse or just those who can’t believe Marlene is
back in Cabinet. But a bunker is also good for keeping out the most wretched
thing in Tobago. No its not crime, or unemployment or Toolum; it’s the media.
Everyone knows the media hates Tobago. Why else would they keep gleefully
pointing out all of Tobago flaws like it’s a fat girl in a skimpy carnival
costume? A true patriot would never go blabbing their mouths about food
shortages or companies having to shut down or tourists getting brutally
murdered.
In your bunker you can rest easy and be blissfully unaware of the
chaos surrounding you. A bunker is so trendy even Dr. Rowley has one he stays
in anytime he’s in Tobago.
Tip 4 Innovate
The real key to self-sufficiency is innovation. Like being
able to make your car run on wood instead of gas. Or being able to build
weapons to hunt out of spoons. Or being able to make a filter to let you drink
your own urine because WASA locked off the water again.
How about instead of using flour to bake with, we use sweet
Tobago sand. And how about instead of band aids we use fig leaves. And how
about instead of cell phones we join two cups with a string. These are the
kinds of cutting edge ideas we need to be thinking about to ween ourselves off
our ferry dependency syndrome.
Well that’s all for now. I need to go water my Nutella
plants.
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